Dealing with identity crisis

Following my first post, I want to say a huge thank you for your overwhelming support and encouraging responses.

I had my next post all lined up but my reference to identity crisis appears to have struck a chord, so I’ve decided to share some more with you on this.

Shame and identity crisis were the last things I expected to feel given all the remaining facets to my life. I’m a wife, mother, public speaker, company director and involved in multiple charities at leadership levels.

Quite a resumé, wouldn’t you say? I should have been glad to be taking a plate off my spinners with less requirements for my superwoman juggling acts. Truth is, I was and wasn’t in equal measures.

My resumé was a ‘doing’ one and not completely representative of me. I left out the ‘who I am’ and focused on the ‘what I do’.

So what was my next move? I acknowledged what I was feeling to myself and balanced out my mental resumé. I gave in to my ‘Dr Pepper’ moment and asked myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’

I pictured myself breaking the news. My family and some trusted close friends were the first to hear about it. One or two had questions but they all had faith in me and encouraged me.

I began to share it with more people. It was emotionally draining but freeing. Some times, I felt like I was justifying my life and my choices to those who weren’t living it. I was frustrated at some people’s responses but soon realised they were projecting their own fears and mindsets.

I had a choice to be defensive or more selective so I chose the latter, recognising when to say, ‘this is my news and not a discussion point’. It got easier and I was less emotional over time.

I have a renewed appreciation for those going through any major change. My reminders to those coping with identity crisis after a job loss or change are:

1. You’re not your job – you’re so much more than any job you do now or could ever do
2. You made a career and a name for yourself which you are proud of and want to hold on to. You did it once, you can do it again
3. You are not ‘Frank Spencer’ (Some mothers do ‘ave them comedy). You are not a failure. Tell yourself, I’m not a failure’ until every fibre of your being agrees with this truth. Look for people who will remind you of this
4. You are created for more than you’ve achieved up until this moment. There’s more to go after, all you need is a renewed vision, passion, drive and commitment
5. Go into the archives of your work history, dig out your proudest moments and relish them. Remind yourself of the impact you’ve made and think of the impact you’re yet to make.
6. Make a cuppa and a commitment to invest in yourself and believe in your next phase.
7. Be excited to take your world by storm and take action now. It’s a worthwhile risk. What’s the worst that can happen? You may fall flat but you can get up again. The best can also happen, think about that.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts so please add a comment or send me a message.

Thanks for hanging out with me and see you next week.