The real and true you

As I write this week’s post, two thoughts form the backdrop.

Last week, a reader asked me to write an article on, ‘working or living with someone with a sadistic tendency’. I didn’t think I was qualified to write about this and it didn’t fit in with what my Blog is about. I promised to look into the subject because people matter.

In the same week, I watched a film where a father called his twin girls pumpkins. One of the girls responded by saying, “we are not pumpkins, daddy, we are girl people”. The father laughed and agreed they were not pumpkins.

Thinking about these two scenarios, my thought today is all about who we are as people.

When you look in the mirror, who do you see looking back at you? When you drop the act and let your guards down, who are you? 

If your nearest and dearest were asked about you, who would they say you are? How would your co-workers describe you?

How does the atmosphere change when you walk into a place? 

Is it warmer, liberating, joyful and hopeful or does it become cold, stifling, impossible, scary and depressing? Are people glad and excited when you walk into a room or when you leave? Food for thought.

I love the innocence of the girls who said they were now ‘girl people’. They knew who they were and it wasn’t pumpkins.

What do you need to change about who you are today and how you are seen by others? Are you going to remain a ‘pumpkin’ or reintroduce yourself as a person?

It’s time for us to take stock of who we are, what we do, the choices we make and the words we speak.

The innocence and simplicity of children remind me of who we really are. Over time, life happens and some of us lose the childlike innocence, faith, love and kindness.

We can break the cycle and reintroduce our self to a waiting world.

The caterpillar looks so different from the butterfly. Caterpillars are not the most attractive creatures but from one appears the most delicate and beautiful of creations. The seed and beauty of a butterfly was already hidden in the caterpillar waiting to emerge.

The seed of love, kindness, generosity, greatness, compassion and mercy is already deposited in each of us.

Right now, you might feel like the caterpillar, whose current choices, responses and appearance do not reflect their true identity.

Perhaps your daily choices and responses are cloaked in anger, recklessness, wickedness, sadistic tendencies, selfishness and bullying behaviours. Maybe you suck out the air and the joy from those around you just now.

There is good news. Even as a butterfly finally emerges from a caterpillar, you can emerge too. It won’t be easy but you can do it if you want to.

Pay attention to how the room or office changes when you walk in. Speak to others about your challenges, be ready to do a critical self assessment and listen to feedback from others. Seek the help you need.

Start by making a decision that says, ‘I’m better than this and I can do better’. Continue by making a commitment to do better. Get the support you need and follow through until you become the change you want to see.

I have a faith in God and any change I want to make starts there.

Thank you for stopping by to read my post. See you next week. Please share this Blog.

A message to my reader – living with or working for someone with sadistic tendency ……….

A person with a sadistic tendency is one that derives pleasure from inflicting pain on another person. This is not normal behaviour and if this is you, you need help. If you find yourself living with or working for one, you need help. The worst thing you can do is to keep quiet and let the situation continue.

My encouragement to you, is ‘speak up’. There is a chance this person does not know the impact of their actions on you and others. Ask the right people for help. This could be their family member, close friends, colleagues or boss.

Keep a record of the various instances you’ve encountered their sadistic behaviours as you may need to confront them with these or use them as evidence in formal work or legal settings.

If they refuse to change or get the help they need, then my suggestion is for you to make a change. Life is too short to be around someone who derives pleasure from your pain. Everyone deserves better than that.

These are my thoughts while acknowledging that I am no expert. If I were in this position, I would seek professional help immediately.

I hope this helps and I wish you the very best.