What’s your response like?

This week’s post is inspired by two friends in their early eighties who are always joyful and excited to share about their highs and lows. They always end with phrases like, ‘Can’t complain’ or God is good or Hanging on’. They are infectious and I always feel encouraged and challenged when I am around them.

My question this week is, ‘How do you respond to circumstances?‘ We can’t always control what happens to us but we are not as helpless and hopeless as we sometimes think or lead others to think.

We need to take a long hard look at ourselves and the situations we are in and determine what our role is or has been.

Are you a Victim?

Sometimes we are victims. The recent break-in at our house comes to mind. I felt violated and for some time afterwards, I was jumpy. I found myself hiding things so well that I couldn’t even find them. It messed with my thought and work process.

I had a choice to make – be a victim or take my life back? I chose to take my life back. The break in had to become a non-issue.

I spoke to God about it. I spoke honestly to friends and family members. Soon enough, I began to feel more in control, less stressed and I stopped giving the incident any more time or power.

Even when we are victims, we have a choice – ‘Play the victim card or refuse to give in to the victim mentality’. If we shift to thinking like a victor, we will come up with the actions that will make us over-comers of the situation.

Are you a willing Participant?

Some people are willing participants of their circumstances. I know people who feel depressed and put down after certain interactions. Others become more cynical, critical or negative. Figure out your triggers. Deal with them, minimise your exposure or avoid them.

No one is responsible for making you feel good or bad about yourself. You are!

This means you need to take control of situations where you are allowing ‘Stuff’ to be dumped on you.

There’s a Nigerian saying, ‘You can’t stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop it from building a nest on your head.’ Simply put, you can’t prevent some situations, but you can still draw a line.

Were you bullied or robbed of an opportunity? Did you fail? Has your relationship ended unexpectedly? Has someone refused to pay their debt, rejected you or broken your heart? Is someone out-shining you at work? You’re not ALONE.

You can’t change what has happened but you can forgive, get help, move on, take risks and live your life fully.

Are you the Orchestrator?

I see people who make poor choices against sound advice, have bad attitudes and tempers, don’t pull their own weights and aren’t dependable in any team situation and they are challenging to manage or live with.

Yet they want to play the victim any time there’s a consequence. They orchestrate their own webs which entrap them. Quite often, they refuse to see the situations from other people’s point of view believing themselves to be right.

This becomes a pattern of behaviour and is the hardest to deal with because we can’t force change on anyone. They have to desire the change but they must first see there’s a problem.

Those around them have a choice to make – Help them or Play along. True friends aren’t those who tell you what you want to hear, they are the ones who tell you what you need to hear to be the best version of ‘You’ possible.

If you’re playing the victim, stop it. If you have a victim mentality, change it. If you’re enabling others, don’t. Take steps to be the best version of you and help others to be the best version of themselves.

Thank you for reading and sharing my weekly post. See you next week.