Managing Defeats And Setbacks Of Life

This week’s post is inspired by a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald who said, “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”

Many people have made this mistake walking away too soon from opportunities.

We live in a world where failure is looked at negatively. This has created a mindset that’s afraid of defeat, resulting in a lack of new innovations and innovative solutions to old problems.

We focus more on what could go wrong rather than what could go right.

Potential entrepreneurs think, ‘what if I fail?’ Students think, ‘what if I don’t get into the Ivy League Universities?’ People think, ‘what if the relationship doesn’t work out?’ Employees think, ‘what if I don’t get the promotion or opportunity?’

‘What ifs’ apply to all areas of lives.

Many people have been so paralysed by the what ifs that they never make an attempt. Others give up and stop trying.

Some of these views of failures and defeats start from childhood. Many of us grew up seeing people live in shame, regret, guilt and condemnation because of a mistake, failure, or perceived defeat.

Too many never get out from under the shadow of an old defeat.

When I think of the what ifs of life, I am always reminded of the Dr Pepper adverts which ask the question, ‘what is the worst that can happen?’

It then shows the embarrassing thing happening. At the end of the day, the person finds it really isn’t the end of the world.

So what is the worst that can happen if you go after your dreams, purposes and passions?

What is the worst that can happen if you attempt to make your invention or business idea a reality?

What is the worst that can happen when we take chances? The worst that can happen is that our fears of defeat or failure become a reality.

The other two things that can happen are that we succeed or we learn and grow through the experience.

This means there are two positive outcomes and a negative one. But again, that’s because we give the wrong kind of attention and connotation to ‘failure or defeat’

In truth, what really happens is that we either succeed or we learn from the process. What this means is that we are actually short-changing ourselves when we treat a single defeat as though it were a final defeat.

The only time we experience a final defeat is when we stop trying because then, we can achieve nothing – no successes, learning new things or ways not to do things.

We need to figure out the fears we have about taking risks and consider any past defeats to understand if the past is weighing us down.

Then we must press forward with the future. Here are a few tips:

Let go of the past

I find that having a faith in God helps me with this, as I can cast my fears, cares, defeats, failures, concerns and burdens on Him because I know He cares about me.

By trusting God with my past, I can let go and focus on the future with nothing weighing me down or holding me back.

Do some problem solving

Problem-solve and figure out what went wrong and why. Be honest with yourself.

Could you have done more? Did you operate out of fear which hindered your ability to think rationally and calmly? Were you trained and qualified for it?

Did you ask for the right help at the right time from the right people?

Answering these questions help us to learn and take those lessons into any future endeavours.

Don’t go it alone

Find a mentor and a support system. There are always people who have walked the road before you. A smart person learns from the mistakes of others and a fool insists on learning only from his own mistakes.

Find people you can learn from. Read books, build a network of supportive people and appreciate what they have to offer you.

Thanks for reading for weekly posts. Please share with others because we can all do with some encouragement. See you next week.