Break The Mould

“Some people will only love you if you fit into their box… Don’t be afraid to disappoint” unknown

I was inspired by this quote when I first saw it depicted as a picture. I thought to myself, ‘too right’. How many times do we find ourselves in scenarios where expectations have been defined for us?

When I first started my career in the financial services industry I was assigned a mentor. I was excited to get the job and I was determined to make a success of it willing to learn quickly and do my very best.

My mentor had a different idea and she wanted to keep me in a box of inexperience and incompetence.

I would call out things that I needed to learn and nothing would be done about them. I had to write these training gaps on a board in the banking hall.

As someone who doesn’t settle for the status quo, I asked other experienced people to teach me how to complete those tasks and on becoming proficient, I would update the information on the board.

Interestingly my mentor would take an offence asking why I updated the information.

Other coaches would confirm they had taught me which didn’t go down so well. She wanted me to remain incompetent which would automatically set me up as an under-performer.

I told my mentor about my long term plans and she told me that I couldn’t apply for another job or expect a promotion for at least eighteen months. This wasn’t a rule so I had a choice to stay in that box or not. Guess what? I chose not to.

I took steps to understand where I wanted to be and what I needed to do to get there. I put in the hard work and hit every milestone that I set for my career.

Within the same eighteen months, I changed my job three times, getting a promotion each time.

We also need to recognise when others are being put in a mould and help them break it. When my son was in primary school, he told his teacher that I said he would go to a top ‘grammar’ school and the teacher sent for me.

She expressed concern that my son wouldn’t be able to get into that school and that even if he did, he would not be able to cope. She gave her reasons which seemed valid.

I thanked her for her thoughts and feedback and I implored her to focus on teaching my son and I would focus on being his parent.

I had a frank conversation with my son and explained why we wanted him to go to that school and what we needed to make it happen.

We did the work and he became the first person to get into that Grammar School from his primary school. He broke out of the box and opened the door for others to aspire for the same.

The following year another parent asked me how we did it and I gladly shared my approach. She got her son in and two years later, my other son got in.

The mould was truly destroyed as more and more students got in year after year.

We can’t stop people putting us in a box or telling us what they think we can accomplish but it’s up to us what we choose to agree with and live under.

So take some time to think about any moulds that you have conformed to and ask yourself, is this my creation or someone else’s?

Is it the right mould or have I been pigeoned into a box? If yes, then it’s time to break out of the mould and be who you were created to be and can be.

Thank you for reading my post. Please share it with others. Have a great week.