I’m Not You And You Are Not Me

Everyone of us deals with the expectation of others. Others can be our parents, siblings, classmates, friends, relatives, spouses, children, society at large, employers, employees, faith and community leaders and frankly speaking anyone we come across.

People have their opinions and as such their expectations of you. Most come from a good place, at other times it comes from a selfish place or from a ‘supposedly superior’ place.

Growing up in Nigeria, one of the expectations on me as a child was to be good – whatever that meant. But it included values like honesty, integrity, discipline, hard work,  perseverance and excellence.

I was constantly told to remember whose child I was which was my parent’s way of saying you’ve got great DNA, so do not mess up otherwise they might have to reconfirm that they came home with the right baby.

As I got older, the expectation became about what school to go to and what course to study and for my dad, the course was Medicine. This would have been perfect if only I could stand to be around people in pain or seeing blood.

Navigating life is about navigating the expectations of those around us. This can be exhausting so we need to learn how to deal with them.

Learn how to deal with the preconceptions of others

I saw a phrase on Pinterest which says, ‘the first thing you should know about me is that I’m not you. A lot more will make sense after that’. I loved it because it says it all.

Yes we need to value the opinion, advice and feedback from others but we also need to be able to detect when what they are asking of us is that ‘we’ become ‘them’. We were not created to be ‘them’.

You are ‘you’ so figure out why you’re here and what you are meant to do and go for it in a way that will make your Creator and the world glad that you’re here.

Separate the weed from the real plants

In any garden, weeds are a constant challenge and keen gardeners spend a lot of time and effort to keep weeds at bay.

I don’t know much about plants so, many times, I see a plant and wonder – friend or foe? Weed or good plant? Same applies in our lives.

We need to learn to figure out those who have expectations of us and ask questions like; what is their driver and motivation? What do they stand to gain? Why those expectations?

Some people want to ‘re-live’ their lives and failed hopes and dreams through others so they cross the line and get offended when disobeyed or disappointed.

Parents often have education and career expectations of their children out of concerns for their future security, safety and wellbeing.

Sometimes it’s simply out of a desire for them to do something that they failed to accomplish so they project their own dreams and try to force the children to take them up. Sometimes it works but many times, it spells doom for their relationships.

Say goodby with panache

There are times when we just need to cut off some relationships as a way to cut off the burden of inappropriate, unfair and unjust expectations.

Young people and grown-ups can find themselves in relationships that will require that they compromise their values, standards and belief system.

Anyone who asks that of you can not claim to care about you. Anyone whose expectation of you will cause you harm has no right to make those demands.

I love a phrase that says, ‘I am a work in progress. Thank you for your understanding and patience. If you’re in a rush, feel free to move on.’

I couldn’t have said it better myself. If people are waiting for you to meet their own expectations and are unwilling to accept and love you ‘just because’, then it’s time to let them move on without you.

We are all works in progress, and we should aspire to be better each day we are blessed to be alive.

Thank you for reading and sharing my post with others. Please share your stories so others can grow through them.