Is It Yours Or Theirs?

Many years ago, I learnt an invaluable lesson when I had to attend an advanced driver’s course.

My trainer asked me what kinds of pressures I felt whenever I was on the road. I responded that sometimes I felt pressured to go a bit faster if the driver behind me was driving too close while I’m trying to stick to the speed limit.

He gave me a few tips about how to respond in the future but the one that stuck with me the most was when he told me they didn’t own my car and they could only drive theirs.

He said that by giving in to their pressure, I was inadvertently allowing them to drive my car too. That blew my mind in a good way.

Since then if I felt any pressures from drivers behind me, I say a few phrases out loud to remind me to stick to doing the right thing.

The phrases include, ‘you don’t own my car’, ‘feel free to overtake if you’re in a rush’, and ‘I’m not breaking any rules for you’.

These phrases are a reminder to me that if I allow people, they would expect me to live my life by their own rules, schedules and agendas.

So the question today is, ‘Is your car yours or theirs’? Whose rules are you driving or living your life by? If we refuse to ponder this question, we are the ones who lose out.

If I give in to the pressures from a driver behind me and respond by exceeding the speed limit, guess who pays the fine if caught? I do and I can’t put forward the excuse that they made me do it.

I am responsible for my driving choices regardless of the outside pressures. I am also ultimately responsible for my life choices regardless of anyone else.

As a Christian and a person of faith, I live my life by specific rules but in this case, I am talking about additional expectations that come from others. 

We are all guilty of doing the same. I bet some of the drivers behind me were not thinking of the impact of their rush on me. And when I do the same to others, it’s because I am not putting myself in their shoes.

Similarly, we’re not always conscious when we are asking people to live their lives on our schedules or run at paces set by us.

Years ago, my youngest sister told me she wanted to leave Banking for Academics. I was flattered that she felt the need to ask for my support because it’s her life and I can can only be a spectator and an encourager.

I won’t be up with her doing research or as she marks examination papers through the night. My income and well being were not at stake but hers were. Frankly speaking I had nothing to lose or gain by her decision but she had, so it was her decision and not mine.

I understood why she was telling me but I also knew it wasn’t my place to ask her not to follow her dreams for any reasons. Yes I had some concerns and asked whether she had considered them. She had.

Today she’s great at what she does and I’m a proud sister of a superstar academician and researcher. Her students and colleagues commend her efforts and achievements.

We can be behind others without driving their lives. Just because we have helped or have been helped, it doesn’t change the person in the driver’s seat. The driver is still the person responsible for any outcomes.

Each person can only drive the car they are in. And we will do well to remember that analogy when it comes to our lives too.

Drive and live your own life and let others drive at their own pace and live their own lives in peace.

Thanks for reading my post. Please share it with others and see you next week when we will conclude this theme with a post on measuring your life with the right ruler.