Real Solution Series: Help – The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

The idea for this post came from my friend who felt ‘offering assistance’ needed to be looked at because there’s the good, bad and ugly side to it. He said, ‘many people pray for destiny helpers, but seldom pray to be one’.

Put in another way, many prefer to be takers rather than givers. They forget that there are people who scatter but yet, they increase. And some always withhold but still tend towards poverty.

I grew up in Nigeria; sadly due to the continued failings and past failures of the government, there’s a lack of social welfare. People aren’t guaranteed to get their gratuities or pensions on time if at all.

‘Assistance’ is needed or requested by people around us. Sometimes you spot a need from conversations with your parents, friends or siblings and you feel compelled to help.

So what are the sides to ‘offering assistance?’

The Good

There’s a good side to helping others; it’s a blessing to be able to help and to do so. For me the good side to helping others happens when I see lives turned around on the back of such help.

This could be help to fund a business and the person runs with it and makes it a success. It’s even better when you see the person start to pay it forward.

It could also be an investment in someone’s education that leads to them becoming financially self sufficient and able to help their family. Of course there’s unavoidable help for medical or other emergencies like funerals expenses.

The Bad

The ‘Bad’ side is when there’s a pattern of throwing money after lost causes or repeated patterns of behaviour that show the recipients have no intention of changing.

Many fall victim to this and end up funding numerous ventures for someone who has no intention of working hard for any of them.

People ask for help to fund an idea that their ‘lifestyle’ choices can fund, if they are willing to personally pay the price. Some only want to risk other people’s money for their business ideas.

Someone once confessed to investing the bulk of their salary as soon as they were paid and borrowing from others to make ends meet. Sadly they didn’t see this as taking advantage of the kindness of those who responded to their needs perceiving them to be in desperate situation.

The Ugly

The downright ‘Ugly’ side is seen when people have an entitlement mentality. This can show up in the form of them selling their relatives’ properties or collect money on their behalf and spend it unrepentantly.

Some people resent others for not helping them to the extent that they expect, forgetting that no one owes them anything and they can chose to work hard for the things they want.

Sometimes the ugly shows up in people deliberately allowing any debt to become bad debt, and not because they can’t afford to pay it back. It just ceases to be a priority for them and sometimes becomes an unwelcome action for them to ever take.

Growing up my father taught me never to lend money that I can’t afford to lose. And that was from his experiences, so there’s nothing new under the sun. This has been happening and continues to happen.

What is the answer?

I dare say it is, ‘love’. Love compels us to do the right things by others. It compels us to offer help when it is genuinely needed. Love compels us to see and respond to unspoken needs.

It compels recipients to be accountable and pull their own weight to make the giver’s investment a success. Love makes you think of the giver and the price they paid to be able to give you that fund.

Love compels us not to take advantage of others and their kindness. It compels us to keep our promises to pay back. Love compels us to challenge behaviours of those who take advantage of us so they can become better people.

Thank you for reading. If this strikes a chord, please comment and share your story and tips or suggest a future topic.

You can also join the discussion in Purposeful Me Facebook group.