You No Longer Have My Consent

This week has been full of a lot of soul searching and it led me to revisit a quote I came across a while back which says, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Everyday we come across people who have an opinion about us and we see this in their actions, choices and words.

On one of my walks on the Harrogate Stray a few months ago, I walked past a woman who quickly moved her handbag away from me. I chuckled at her action and thought she, not her handbag, was meant to maintain social distance from me.

Her bag was safe but she wasn’t in terms of the real danger of COVID-19. Of course I knew the motive for her action and I knew it was because I was different from what she was comfortable with.

That doesn’t make it right but it was her reality and the reality of many of us in different situations.

On another occasion, while in a queue  at the supermarket, I saw the lady in front of me nervously move her bag to her chest once she noticed who was behind her.

Again I smiled because I realised that’s where she was at. She could have chosen to make eye contact and make a friend, she could have even taken a moment to size me up and perhaps allay her own fears but she panicked and reacted from a place of fear.

And that’s okay. I was tempted to pay her bill but thought that would be cheeky and wrong because I would also be trying to prove a point by doing that.

On another occasion, while I was walking behind a lady on the Stray, I noticed she made a move to hold her phone down in fear of it being removed by this stranger and ‘potential’ criminal.

I walked past her, checked out the phone and smiled resisting the temptation to show her mine which would have helped her conclude I was extremely unlikely to be after hers.

In all of these scenarios, the issue was that people were blinded by their own perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, prejudices, bias and past experiences.

A much younger me would have found their reactions irritating, annoying and deeply offensive but the older and hopefully wiser me can see past their responses to me. I can do that because I know who I am and know that I’m not their perception.

I’m not a criminal simply because someone thinks I look like one or expect me to be one. I am and become a criminal when I carry out criminal activities.

I’m not a threat because of the colour of my skin, my hairstyle, my dressing, where I come from or where I live. I’m a regular person until my actions prove me to be a threat.

I’m not a criminal because other criminals share a trait, look or country of origin with me. I become a criminal by my own actions not by the actions of, or perceptions of others.

This is why I love the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You can replace the word ‘inferior’ with other words like unworthy, unsuccessful, unlovable or stupid.

People need us to agree with their perceptions of us before it becomes our truth. So today, I remind myself to say that they no longer have my consent to make me what and who I’m not.

I hope you can join me in defining your truth about who you are and make a decision to educate people through your reactions. You don’t need to be aggressive or rude back, you just need to debunk each misconception one at a time.

I remember occasions where I have corrected errors made on my receipts that would have cost a business money and I see the surprise on their faces. It’s more dramatic when I go back after leaving the business premises to say they undercharged me.

For me it’s another opportunity to break down walls of assumptions and barriers to connecting with people. There are many ways to skin a cat and this is one of them.

Connecting with people who initially feared us will help them see us as humans and as we see ourselves.

So as we start another week, let’s think about our reactions to people’s perceptions about us and be reminded they need our consent to make them valid.

Then it becomes your choice to give consent to how they want to make you feel. Use your power and consent wisely.

Thank you for reading my post. Have a great week and please share this post with others.