The Rat and The Lizard …. Friends?

I recently had a conversation with someone who asked if I go to a lot of parties and she was surprised when I said no. She then asked what else I do if I don’t go to ‘parties’. I found this odd as it seemed like the highlight of her weekend was having a function to attend.

On many other occasions, people have asked me why I don’t drink and some even ask if it is for religious reasons. My answer in both scenarios is that I don’t drink because I choose not to.

Over time, people have attempted to change my mind or forcefully persuade me. Previously, I would jokingly resist the pressure but now, I simply hold my own and make no apologies for my choice.

There are consequences to every choices we make regardless of the influence behind them.

We live in a world today where pressure is a major issue – some pressures are from others while others are self-inflicted. There are pressures where you are told what you need to have and look like to be ‘happy’.

Some self inflicted pressures are because we are in competition with ‘The Jones’ wanting to have what others have without being them or knowing their capabilities or capacities.

The mistake that many make is not being true to themselves. You can have a friend who is laid back but it doesn’t mean you have to be. That is where knowing yourself and setting boundaries come in.

Know yourself

I know my tolerance level for alcohol and I know why I made a decision not to drink. I also know what energises or drains me; I know I’m not a party person and would prefer to hang out in my own home.

That doesn’t mean I can’t have an outgoing friend who is a party person; it simply means I realise being friends doesn’t mean being joined at the hip.

Set boundaries

Boundaries are there to be set and respected by others. If people refuse to respect your boundaries, you have a choice to make.

In university, setting boundaries for me included only attending parties where I have a strong relationship with the celebrant. It also included having my own study timetable and making decisions not to miss any lectures for anyone or any non-critical reasons.

Be true to yourself

We are all different and derive our energy in different ways. I’m not really a morning person though I can function quite well, but as the day comes to an end for others, I’m just hitting my strides. This means I can still be at peak performance at 10pm.

So my preference to have a relaxed morning should not be copied by anyone who would be drained by 5pm. I’ve learnt to maximise my personal preferences and leverage my strengths.

In conclusion, I want to share a Nigerian proverb that a friend and wordsmith (Adeolu Ojo) shared with me about the rat and the lizard. It illustrates this week’s post.

When the rat goes swimming with the lizard (Nigerian Igbo proverb)

In Igbo, they have a saying: Oke sorro ngwere ma mmiri, oko ngwere, oma oko oke.

When the rat (oke) decides to go swimming with the lizard (ngwere), by the time they emerge from the water, the lizard’s scales will be dry, while the rat’s fur will be all wet. 

When you engage in activities you are not equipped to cope with, in the name of associating with people, you usually have to live with the repercussions, alone.

Remember you are you; respect your individuality and don’t do what you’re not equipped for just to please others. Don’t mirror choices you can’t afford.

Thanks for reading my post. Please share it with others and have a great week.