Challenge The Person In The Mirror

Growing up in Nigeria, I heard the phrase, ‘they don’t have two heads’ many times. Who are the ‘they’? This is anyone who succeeded when you failed. Put simply, the phrase was to remind us that no one was given two brains.

And this would often come up in response to one’s reasons for not accomplishing their goals and it was meant to challenge you to own up to your role in the outcomes.

It was our parent’s way of saying poor excuses were unacceptable and based on their belief that we are all created equal, then there must be other reasons that contribute to our successes or otherwise.

So they reminded us that since we have the same brain as others, with no evidence that brains weren’t created equal, other explanations were required.

Usually our brains would immediately become creative as we remember all the possible reasons for our underperformance, instantly proving their points that we can use our brains well.

Those conversations make me laugh when I look back on them. Our parents nurtured but challenged us to make sure we were prepared for a competitive world where nothing would be handed to us.

Their methods felt harsh and looking back, perhaps some were; but the one thing we can’t deny is that they pushed us for our own good because they believed we were capable and wanted us to do better.

If I got a pound coin for the number of times I hear people start a conversation with the words, ‘I’m not smart, I’m not brave or I’m not strong’, I would be dancing to the bank.

During a recent conversation with someone, the person described themselves as rubbish, feeling like an imposter, feeling inadequate, a failure and felt that everyone was probably laughing at them.

This couldn’t be further from the truth but what they believed trapped them in a downward spiral. I was immediately transported to the days when if I tried to speak of myself in that way, I wouldn’t have been allowed to conclude that thought before I was ‘creatively’ stopped in my tracks.

By the end of our conversation, the person remembered their strengths, recent opportunities, and got some tools to help them deal with ‘imposter syndrome’ and be organised so they can better manage their work challenges.

I am grateful for parents that encouraged but pushed me; I am thankful they didn’t molly cuddle me and let me make weak excuses, wallow in self pity or call the shots when I wasn’t equipped to handle the outcomes or cover the costs of those shots.

I am grateful they cut the apron strings early to allow me learn the hard way, but were there to catch me if I fell. I am glad they believed in me and showed their belief by having really hard conversations that forced me to reflect and know when my actions were a cop out.

I am proud of parents who did not shy away from making me look hard at the mirror to see that no other person was created different, better or more capable. They helped me to see that I needed to apply myself to make the most of the amazing machine that my brain is and that there’s a price to pay to achieve excellence and mastery.

I believe we all have talents, gifts, skills, abilities and a super brain which means we can be amazing in many areas once we discover and nurture our interests through self-application, training, perseverance, time and discipline.

In closing, I was reminded of a quote from none other than Winnie the Pooh which says, “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

So challenge any contrary thoughts, mindsets, beliefs or feedback. Look for people who won’t make it easy for you to wallow in self pity but will, instead, help you see how awesome you were created and how capable you are of turning things around. Then find ways and people to help you do that.

Thanks for reading my post. I would really love for you to share it with others. Have a great week.