When Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

I watched a video on Instagram that was touching, funny but in the end not so funny. It was a little girl who was serving her brothers. She used a teacup to bring water to one of her brothers who drank it and casually acknowledged her effort.

She then went and came back with another cup of water for the next brother who also drank it barely looking up from his game. She continued doing this until all her brothers had had a drink. It was then that I saw she was getting the water from the toilet bowl as obviously she didn’t know better and that’s where her hands could reach.

I shuddered at the thought of the boys drinking the toilet water without knowing but even more troubling was that no one paid enough attention to her to notice she was coming out from the toilet; also none of them gave enough consideration to the little girl who obviously wanted to play with them and feel a part of their distracted group.

I watched this on International Women’s Day and my first thought was about the perceived roles of girls and women in society. The young girl serving each one of her brothers reminded me that in some parts of the world, that’s all a girl and woman will ever be expected to do – serve the men around her as though she wasn’t capable of more.

I thought of the women who want to be part of the society in which they are in but culture, religion or other factors would stop or tell them NO. Some would be deprived of the education that could help them contribute to their society in other ways and others would have no voice or rights compared to their male counterparts.

Once that thought passed, my mind went back to the boys who barely acknowledged the effort their little sister was making to serve them. This made me wonder about the ignored contributions of women which sometimes manifests in gender pay disparity, women feeling they are nothing more than service providers, not having a voice or seat at the table when family matters are being discussed, overlooked or intimidated if they dared to foray into politics or business.

They are soon pointed to ‘their places’ which happen to be the places that others and society define for them whilst they sometimes have no say.

Women are told to show gravitas but when they show it, they are deemed as being aggressive and behaving like men, if they wait their turn in the expected ‘women-like fashion, they are overlooked and deemed as unambitious; if they show initiative and strategic thinking outsmarting others, some are labelled as manipulative.

Back to the video and the young boys who had just drunk toilet water, how would they feel when they finally figure it out? What would they do differently in the future?

What lessons would they learn from it? Is this one of those scenarios where ignorance is bliss? If they don’t know what they have just been served is sub-par and nothing changes, what else could they miss out on or be served?

What can we learn from this?

Ignorance isn’t always bliss

Many times we hear the phrase that says ignorance is bliss and it assumes that it’s best not to know some things. There might be some occasions where not knowing can help us to avoid panic, negativity or other unpleasant emotions.

Ignorance is not bliss if someone ignores warning signs that could  lead to an early diagnosis that could be the difference between death and having a fighting chance at life. Ignorance is not bliss when we ignore the warning signs of bullying, eating disorders, depression and other forms of mental health issues.

Ask questions; don’t assume

Many times, we don’t ask questions because we are distracted, can’t be bothered to ask, sometimes it’s because we don’t want to know and other times it is easier to assume by filling the blanks with the narrative we want.

An unemployed person starts to bring home unexplained money and buying expensive gears and the parents, friends and the wider community act surprised when they are arrested for drug dealing, fraud or other criminal activities. A young girl starts to hang out with the wrong crowds and bringing home expensive gifts and we gasp when they become victims of trafficking. A young child suddenly starts to act differently and we make assumptions until they commit suicide.

I know I have painted some grim pictures but some of these pictures have already happened and continue to happen because we don’t ask the right questions at the right times. We can’t continue to assume all is as we wish or want them to be rather than facing how they really are.

Offer to help and get involved; don’t just consume

If the boys had considered the effort their sister was making to serve each of them in turn, they would probably have thought of how to make it easier for her saving her multiple trips. They could have made space for and taken time out to engage her and perhaps figure the issue out earlier.

We have a saying in Nigeria that says, “if you hear, ‘carry, carry, carry’, you should join them to carry whatever it is to make sure it doesn’t end up at the back of your house.”

What this simply means is don’t stay completely out of issues that can impact you. Let’s assume they were carrying a toxic item to be disposed and they got tired when they got to the back of your house, there is the risk of the item being abandoned there. If you came out to at least see and offer some assistance, then you would contribute to the effort even if it’s just enough to get it to the next stage.

Don’t stay out of environmental, cultural, economic and political debates that can impact you. Don’t stay out of office matters that can affect your work environment and culture. Get involved to make a difference and shape the things that matter to you. Happy International Women’s Day.

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Have a great week.