Self-Compassion: A Gift We Owe To Ourselves

Compassion is a word we are familiar with but I want to delve into this a bit more by looking at the dictionary definition and explore how it applies to us. When we think of compassion, we almost always have other people in mind and very rarely think it applies to us. We expect compassion from others and we feel compassion for others and act on the back of our feelings.

Compassion means we recognise the suffering of others and are willing to take actions to help them; it involves a tangible expression of love for people who are suffering.

Three types of compassions are described as familial compassion which is what we feel for a family member who is in difficulty, familiar compassion which we feel for those we have some form of relationship or connection with and the third is stranger compassion that we feel for people we don’t know.

A type of compassion that is often overlooked is self-compassion which involves treating yourself with the same compassion, understanding and kindness that you would show to others, even those who are strangers. It’s about being understanding, mindful and accepting of yourself and your imperfections, and forgiving any mistakes you make whilst learning from them; it’s about not beating yourself up over missteps or poor choices and actions.

For majority of people, practising compassion towards others is almost intuitive but they remain at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to consideration for self. Many people burnout because they are so used to giving to others or to causes they believe in and they forget themselves and run ragged until there is nothing left in their tanks.

We can all fall foul of making poor decisions that come with personal costs but it’s what we do when this happens that matters. Sometimes we won’t get the compassion we need from others so we must learn to give it to ourselves in those scenarios. Here are some things to bear in mind:

Speak to yourself with kindness

It doesn’t cost much to speak to yourself with kindness and compassion. Don’t call yourself stupid or a failure just because you made a stupid choice or failed at a venture. “You got it wrong but that is not the end of the world”, is what you are likely to say to someone else so why not gift yourself the same words.

Acknowledge and accept when you make a mistake

Self compassion isn’t the same as giving yourself a free pass for things you shouldn’t have done but it is acknowledging and accepting when you make a mistake, learning from them and taking those lessons into your future and it’s about becoming a better version of yourself by allowing yourself to continuously grow. Forgive yourself for making mistakes.

Review situations without judgement

If you find yourself in a difficult situation where you have made an error of judgement, take a step back and see the situation through the eyes of a caring third party, especially one who values you and your wellbeing. That will help you to detach enough to be kinder to yourself as you can withhold judgement as you would have done for someone else.

Encourage yourself

Be your own cheerleader and learn to give yourself a pat on the back, or a talking to when you need one. Believe in yourself, your abilities and your potential to be phenomenal and this isn’t about bragging or being proud. In each of us is the creative ability to make things happen, our very existence and uniqueness is a by product of the best happening at our conception. Nothing about us is ordinary and to think we are is a crime.

Celebrate your success

Celebrate your successes and victories no matter how small you think they are; Every step forward or upwards is worth taking note of. Appreciate your efforts and results; be grateful for you and for them.

Accept yourself for who you are

You need to focus on becoming a better version of yourself; others have a choice to accept you or not but their decision isn’t your problem.

The biggest identity challenge we all face is acceptance of who we are. Once you can accept yourself, you have no need to prove yourself to anyone or to try and become someone else and you definitely don’t make a drama trying to force others to accept you. Be thankful for who you are and be who you were created to be.

Show respect for your self

You have to earn respect from others but before you do that, you must learn to respect yourself first. Define and know your boundaries, recognise when it is being breached or crossed and protect them.

Be patient and avoid compassion fatigue

Don’t give up on yourself; don’t stop showing up for and as yourself. Patience means you live to fight another day and throwing in the towel is never an option on the table. Avoid the risk of compassion fatigue which is when you give up and stop showing compassion to yourself or to others. It happens when you allow yourself to get overwhelmed.

Embracing your Journey’s imperfections is a life long commitment and duty that you owe yourself. You give a gift to others when you embrace their imperfections and help them along their journeys and it’s time to give the same gift to yourself.

Thanks for reading and sharing my post with others. Please subscribe to get this directly in your mailbox.