The real and true you
As I write this week’s post, two thoughts form the backdrop.
Last week, a reader asked me to write an article on, ‘working or living with someone with a sadistic tendency’. I didn’t think I was qualified to write about this and it didn’t fit in with what my Blog is about. I promised to look into the subject because people matter.
In the same week, I watched a film where a father called his twin girls pumpkins. One of the girls responded by saying, “we are not pumpkins, daddy, we are girl people”. The father laughed and agreed they were not pumpkins.
Thinking about these two scenarios, my thought today is all about who we are as people.
When you look in the mirror, who do you see looking back at you? When you drop the act and let your guards down, who are you?
If your nearest and dearest were asked about you, who would they say you are? How would your co-workers describe you?
How does the atmosphere change when you walk into a place?
Is it warmer, liberating, joyful and hopeful or does it become cold, stifling, impossible, scary and depressing? Are people glad and excited when you walk into a room or when you leave? Food for thought.
I love the innocence of the girls who said they were now ‘girl people’. They knew who they were and it wasn't pumpkins.
What do you need to change about who you are today and how you are seen by others? Are you going to remain a ‘pumpkin’ or reintroduce yourself as a person?
Resilient, Responsible and Reflective
These words struck me the first time I saw them on the wall of a school hall. I wondered what made the school come up with them, boldly publishing the words on their wall.
What thought process led to the school deciding these were the most important words to share with their people? And how do they sell it to them?
I wrote the words down and pondered on them for a while. So, I have decided to explore why they should matter to us.
Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, it signifies toughness and the ability to quickly return to a previous 'good' condition from difficult conditions. It means to be strong, tough, and hardy.
Responsible is to be capable of being trusted and Reflective is characterized by deep thought and describes a person who thinks things through.
Putting these words together, a person who is resilient, responsible and reflective would have to be someone who can be trusted to do what they commit to. They think deeply which means they understand the consequences of their actions and decisions and they are able to bounce back when things don’t go to plan.
These are admirable qualities for anyone to have and they can be wrapped up to create a unique brand.
In life, we all face tough situations that will break some people so the attitude we adopt and the stance we take in tough times will define how well we come out on the other side.
My challenge for us is that we become responsible. For some, this is already how you are seen by those around you but for others, you know you can be more responsible and trust worthy so why not start today. Let your ‘No’ be No’ and your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’.
We can all be more reflective. This means we don’t rush headlong into decisions or relationships, but we take time to gather information, analyse them, understand the bigger picture so we are well-informed before we act.
Circle of Trust and Accountability
A dear friend of mine suggested I write about circle of trust and accountability so you have him to thank for this week’s post.
Trust is defined as reliance on the integrity, strength, ability and surety of a person or thing
Accountability is the state of being accountable, liable or answerable. And being accountable means a person is subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something
So, what is a circle of trust and accountability? This is a small group of people who decide to build a relationship that provides a safe place for them to grow and become better versions of themselves. To do this, they agree to look out for each other, learn together, share and be accountable to one another. They will tell you the truth no matter how hard it is.
They have one goal in mind which is to help each other be all they were created to be.
They call you out when you are making excuses, recognise when you are scared and help you refine your thought process by asking useful questions. They point out potential flaws in your arguments, actions, decisions and behaviour.
Ultimately with them, you know when you are falling short of expectations and what to do about it. They help you, cheer you on, recognise your achievements and celebrate your successes.
Do you know people who are completely clueless about how they come across and how their actions negatively impact others?
Before you rack your brain recalling all of them, look in the mirror and add yourself to the list.
We all have parts of ourselves that are hidden to us but not to others. The only way we will ever know is if people tell us and that is a hard thing.
Not everyone feels comfortable giving feedback because they are worried about how it might be received and frankly speaking we don’t want to offend anyone.A letter to a ‘future me’
Recently an old classmate decided to compile the names of those we attended school with. He enlisted the help of five others and when I looked at the list my name and a few others were missing. Shocking! Isn’t it? Perhaps not.
Someone sent me a message and said, “you have really changed”. I probed what they meant. Their response was, “from introvert to extrovert”.
The person then said, “ask anybody to mention ladies in our school year now and you would be among the first three…..”
I had very few close friends back then, I wasn’t miss popular or sporty and the only times I spoke up was against a few bullies.
In the same week, I heard of two young people who committed suicide and there was a teenager who shot two classmates. Tragic! isn't it?
This prompted me to think of what I would say to myself if I had written a letter to my future self from key moments in my past.
What would I say, if I knew the pimply face would someday be less so and that I would leave the bullies behind outlasting them in endurance, capacity, capability and outperforming them?
What about that boy who did not notice me, who I now wouldn’t be caught dead with? I can’t recall any but you get the gist.
What about those girls who seemed to hit their peak when I was still looking tomboy-ish, wondering, ‘how come and why me?’
What would I say, if I knew that relationship break-up would not destroy me?
Or if I knew all my challenges would pass and I would face and overcome even bigger ones becoming more resilient in the process?
What would I say, if I knew there was a world out there waiting for me, a successful career, an amazing family, friends and a host of other successes, blessings and accomplishments?
New beginning or painful ending?
"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings". Lao Tzu
This quote is quite poignant for me. I have a choice to focus on the end of my 16- plus year banking career or I can focus on the fresh start this now gives me.
A fresh start to do an assessment of my life to date, a look ahead to what I want it to look like in 5, 10, 20 years and the legacy I can build that will outlive me. What an incredible gift this is!
Does it always feel like a gift? I wish. Many times, it feels like a pipe dream that could easily go up in smokes. It feels like leaving the ‘job security’ behind and taking on a huge risk. It feels scary, daunting, and challenging.
So, what can I do to make sure I focus on the right things and have the right mindset that helps me to see the positives and the opportunities?
I must take my past learning, experiences and skills and repackage this to work for me in my new beginning.
I need to identify my fears, face and overcome them, making a choice to look forward only and not be distracted or held back by my past. I must focus my gaze on my new beginning and remind myself daily of this quote.
I will find people who can speak into any areas of insecurity that I have and not be afraid to be vulnerable. That’s the only way they will know I need help and for me to get the support that will help me achieve my goals.
A lot of Sou and no ffle
One of my passions is cooking and I like to attempt tricky recipes just for the fun of it. I still remember making my first soufflé over ten years ago and wondering if it would rise or fall. Recently I was watching 'Masterchef - the professionals' and contestants in the skills test were asked to create a soufflé which they all did with varying degrees of success. One of the contestants went through the right steps and appeared to have got his ingredients correctly measured out, yet his soufflé did not rise as expected despite his best efforts. When the judges reviewed his soufflé, Monica Galetti uttered the phrase, "you had a lot of Sou and no ffle". Her comment soon became a rib tickling catchphrase between my sister and I. After three days of laughing at this comment, the penny finally dropped. I realised there was a lesson - about actions not translating to desired results or expectations. I am sure we have all had some 'sou and no ffle' moments. These quickly become defining moments when some life impacting choices come up.
- Do you allow yourself to be defeated, never to make another soufflé or do you get up and make another one even if you’re the only that’s going to eat it?
- Do you allow yourself to be defined by this mistake or failure or do you shake it off, learn from it and move on?
- Do you allow yourself to be haunted by this failure or shortfall adding to others that you have filed in your ‘failure archive’?
So what do I do when I don't get my desired results and when my archives creep back up?
Knock knock! Are you ready?
In my last post, I talked about opportunities knocking on our doors throughout this year. So, the question is, ‘are we going to be ready when they come?’ To answer this, I want to share a story with you and it’s all
Knock Knock. Who’s there?
My nephew came to visit a while back when he was about two years old. Many times he would knock on the door and I would ask, ‘who is there?’ he would reply, ‘it’s me’. Again I would ask, ‘who is me?’ And he would say, ‘it’s David’. I then get up to open the door to his delight. The truth is that I knew it was him before he even knocked. I recognised the sound of his tiny feet and his knock. He was the only child in the house and the only person who knocked if any door was closed. I enjoyed playing these ‘knock knock’ games with him throughout his visit. I am reminded of that game as I ponder what is knocking as we start a new year.
- What opportunities are knocking on our doors?
- Who is knocking on our doors?
- What will be on the other side of the doors when we open them?
- Will you hear and recognise the knocks when they come?
Happy new, limitless and purposeful 2018
It’s New Year’s eve and time for another post. It hasn’t been easy coming up with the right message given the significance of what’s just ahead of us….. a whole new year with 365 days. Everyday is a new gift to
Get where you want to go
I ended my last post by referring to the quote by Henry David Thoreau that says, "Never look back unless you are planning to go that way."
It is easy to say don’t look back but, some people might ask, ‘what does that mean or what practical steps can I take?’
This quote is a timely reminder at a time when I'm leaving my old career behind to pursue new opportunities. There's a risk that I could be tempted to look back at the familiar especially at those times when fear and self-doubt will inevitably crop up.
This happens to the best of us and I must think now of what to do when that happens. I need a plan now as it will be too late to come up with one if fear and self-doubt has already crept in.
So, here are some tips to help you move in the direction you want to go.
Know the ‘What’ and ‘Why’
Write down the vision and your 'why'. This is critical as if you don’t know where you are going, there’s no way to know when you arrive. At the earliest stage, define what you want to achieve and why it is important. This becomes your motivation.
Create a plan of action Have a plan so you know what to do on a daily and weekly basis. This will be useful on days when you’re not in the mood or don’t feel motivated. If you stick with the scheduled actions and discipline yourself to follow through, you will move in the right direction.