Timing…. Why now?
I have asked myself this question on many occasions.
I worked in Banking for over 16 years. While this wasn’t a planned career path, I made the most of the opportunities I had. I got many qualifications, moved through different areas of the bank and worked with many amazing people as well as some challenging ones.
Through it all, I honed my skills and grew both personally and professionally with loads of exciting and truly joyful moments.
On the one hand, I wouldn’t trade any of it but on the other hand, I can't help asking myself. 'What would have been if I had figured out and pursued my purpose and passion all these years?'.
What would I have accomplished if I became organized sooner, facing my fears and tackling the insecurities that have kept me in my comfort zone?
As I asked myself, ‘why now?’, I took the time to think about the past two decades. I thought of the people I have met, my mistakes, the learnings and wisdom gleaned from others.
I realise my life is richer now and I have more to offer to the world. I know that instead of looking back, I've got to press forward, forge ahead and trust that now is a great time to start.
Discovering ‘My Why’
'Purposeful me' Why that name? I hear you ask. I wish I could simply describe it as one of those 'Ah ha' moments that people refer to. Yes, I had some 'ah ha' moments, more than twice actually but in each case, the name that popped into my spirit was already in use. I eventually had to apply some brain power to the task of finding a name that encapsulates what I believe the next phase of my life is to be about. So after hours of careful review of the dictionary and thesaurus, googling web names and scouring social media, I eventually concluded on the name, 'purposeful me'. Now that you know how the name came about, let's talk about 'the why'. On the 11th of November 2017, I was at a seminar and the presenter asked me what I was passionate about and I immediately replied, 'continuous Improvement'. I was thinking about my day job and what I enjoyed about it. Later that night, I began to ponder the same question again and I realised that, yes, I was passionate about Continuous Improvement but felt I had applied it to Businesses and processes for almost two decades. Suddenly I realised my passion was the same but how I wanted to apply it was different. I was now more interested in the continuous improvement of people. This is something I have always done effortlessly, in passing, without much focus and attention. I knew I had more to offer and felt that I had to take the opportunity that was handed to me to go after my passion with more focus and determination. After all, what is the price of a fulfilled life?
Dealing with identity crisis
Following my first post, I want to say a huge thank you for your overwhelming support and encouraging responses. I had my next post all lined up but my reference to identity crisis appears to have struck a chord, so I’ve decided to share some more with you on this. Shame and identity crisis were the last things I expected to feel given all the remaining facets to my life. I’m a wife, mother, public speaker, company director and involved in multiple charities at leadership levels. Quite a resumé, wouldn’t you say? I should have been glad to be taking a plate off my spinners with less requirements for my superwoman juggling acts. Truth is, I was and wasn’t in equal measures. My resumé was a ‘doing’ one and not completely representative of me. I left out the ‘who I am’ and focused on the ‘what I do’. So what was my next move? I acknowledged what I was feeling to myself and balanced out my mental resumé. I gave in to my ‘Dr Pepper’ moment and asked myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ I pictured myself breaking the news. My family and some trusted close friends were the first to hear about it. One or two had questions but they all had faith in me and encouraged me. I began to share it with more people. It was emotionally draining but freeing. Some times, I felt like I was justifying my life and my choices to those who weren’t living it. I was frustrated at some people’s responses but soon realised they were projecting their own fears and mindsets. I had a choice to be defensive or more selective so I chose the latter, recognising when to say, ‘this is my news and not a discussion point’. It got easier and I was less emotional over time. I have a renewed appreciation for those going through any major change. My reminders to those coping with identity crisis after a job loss or change are:
Welcome to Purposeful me
There are five weeks to the end of 2017 and what a year this has been. My expectations at the start of the year are completely opposite to what it's looking like now. In January, I had a secure job with a great income but come the end of the year, I am ripping off the comfort blanket of a regular income. I've opted to leave my banking career after 16 plus years. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but once I made it, I felt a mixture of emotions ranging from relief, joy and fear to surprisingly shame. I could understand all the other emotions but why would I feel shame? That’s the million-dollar question. I was ashamed of walking away from a well-paying corporate job that I am great at, partly because it didn’t make sense to explain it to family, friends, and colleagues. I didn’t realise how much of my identity was tied to my job until I chose to let it go. Surprisingly I feel like it's a crime not to have a 'great' job with a steady income and this is eye-opening for me.