The Purposeful Life Project

Last week, I wrote about what I am thankful for. I want to conclude this week by covering the ‘Who’. Who am I thankful for? Like many of you, I am thankful for family, friends and colleagues but there are always people who stand out in our stories. My Father The first person who stands out for me is my father. I am thankful that he believed in me and set before me a vision that showed me anything is possible if I’m willing to work for it. Two of the first books he bought for my brother and I were ‘The Power Of Positive Thinking’ and ‘A Guide To Confident Living’ by Norman Vincent Peale. I flipped through the pages wondering where the pictures were. I was at an age when all my books were meant to have pictures in them. Thinking the words were too many, I looked at the titles again. I told myself, it must be important to think positively and to be confident, otherwise daddy wouldn’t have bought ‘the books with no pictures’. This was the start of my journey into personal development and recognising the responsibility that comes with that. A wolf in sheep's clothing I am thankful for a co-tenant when I was a young child for teaching me to listen to my inner voice and trust my intuition. As a young child, I was scared of the dark and always imagined monsters hiding under the beds. I often snuck into bed with my parents.   One day my parents travelled and left us in the care of a co-tenant who was like family. As I was scared of sleeping alone, I stayed with him. After a while, I felt very uneasy and I just knew I wasn’t safe. I realised I was more scared of being with him than I was of the monsters. So I left. He taught me the power of my intuition, the importance of listening to my inner voice and recognising when a hand bigger than I understood was delivering me from evil. My intuition has bailed me out more times than I can count and that protection from above has been my life saver. My Science Teacher I am thankful for Mr M.S. Ali who taught me for one year. Until he came to my school, I had believed the lie that I wasn’t cut out for sciences and had no hope of passing them. M. S. Ali came, saw that I had the potential to be good in Sciences and he made it his mission to help me. The most important thing he did was to challenge how I saw myself in relation to those subjects and the mental block I had put up. Over time, I realised that I could grasp contents that previously seemed like Ancient Greek. In one year, this amazing teacher helped me to turn around my grades. I have never forgotten the impact he had on my life and the lesson he taught me. He taught me that ‘can’t learn’ was my fear and did not have to be my reality.

What do you need to say thank you for? It has been a wet week but for once I was grateful for the rain in the middle of the British summer. The gardens were crying out for a relief from weeks of intense sunshine. So was I. As I pondered about saying thank you for the rain, I thought about people we need to say thank you to and things we need to say thank you for. For the most part, when we consider saying thanks, we think of good things. But I want to spin this on its head and challenge us to think about the ‘Not so great’ things that we can still be thankful for. We take the power away from situations when we look for the lessons they teach and the opportunities they give us to discover we are stronger than we thought. When we are in the thick of a situation, it’s difficult to find the good in it but if we look hard enough we will always find some good. As I pondered about the experiences that I am thankful for, a few stories came to mind. Thankful for being cheated, bullied and feeling powerless img_6850I remembered the first time I felt cheated and bullied. I was in primary school and a teacher wanted me to name the noise makers. I told her I didn’t know who they were and she accused me of protecting them and decided to send me out to sit in the hot sun. I felt powerless. Later she found out the school inspectors were visiting the school and asked me to come inside the class. I refused and told her that if she was right in punishing me, then she had nothing to fear. I took my power back. I was proud that I stood up for myself and this experience prepared me to deal with bullies later in life. I am thankful for learning I had a right to fair treatment. Today, I remind myself that if I could speak out against injustice as a child, I have no reason to stop now. Thankful for when the money wasn’t enough I am thankful that my parents couldn’t afford everything I wanted and I didn’t have everything I desired. I knew what I wanted but I understood what my parents had to offer. This led me to look for a part-time job as a student. I worked as a trainer with a Consulting firm which massively boosted my confidence as I found myself training people old enough to be my parents. I was scared the first time I walked into a training room full of strangers who looked at me wondering if I was in the right room. I am so grateful that I took a job for the money but got so much more in return. The job is still paying me forward today as I get opportunities to speak at events. Thankful for being told ‘No’ There were many times in my career that I was told ‘No’. ‘No’ on the back of job interviews, ‘No’ to getting an opportunity to develop a new skill and sometimes ‘No’ to being chosen to be part of what I considered to be interesting work. Every ‘No’ drove me to work harder and do self-assessments on what I could have done differently. On the back of these, I was able to take the necessary actions. I went for qualifications years before I needed them. I prepared better for interviews and I worked hard on any opportunities that I was given. Soon I became the person people wanted to work with and leaders were proud to have on their teams. Some missed opportunities turned out not to be so great. Was I disappointed when I got the ‘No’?. You bet. Did I give in to despair? Yes, for a bit but then I dusted myself off and learnt from each experience. Today, I am confident in my ability to do great work.

Driving back from an afternoon tea party, I saw a road sign that said ‘surface dressing for one day only’. For some reason, it struck a chord. The road into my town is getting ready for surface dressing. How about that? It got me thinking about the word ‘dressing’ and the importance of dressing the surfaces that we have. When we hear ‘dressing the surface’, I am sure most of us will think about clothes and shoes that are visible to the naked eye. As I thought about 'dressing the surface', I began to consider other things we can dress like our bodies, minds, our spirits and souls. So here are my thoughts on what and how we can dress. [caption id="attachment_870" align="alignleft" width="275"] Photo by pexels.com[/caption] Dress your mind with the right information You might ask, ‘how do you dress the mind?’. You can dress your mind with the right kind of information, knowledge and insight. We are in an age where there are so many tools to help dress our minds, including phone apps, books, podcasts, TED talks and a whole host of YouTube videos. There is information on any topic you want to learn. Now, it’s easy to adorn your mind in the right ways which could translate to improved decisions creating better results. [caption id="attachment_871" align="alignright" width="330"] Photo by Pexels.com[/caption] Dress your mind with the right thoughts Many years ago, I let my preference for introversion dictate what I did and I stayed in a mindset that told me I couldn't do any public speaking. This was until someone gave me an opportunity to speak without the option to say no. I had to learn to think differently about my personal preferences especially when I saw the response from the audience. Today, I speak to audiences of any size without giving a thought to my preference for introversion. The book, 'Quiet' by Susan Cain was really useful in helping me to celebrate and leverage my introversion. You can adorn your mind by thinking the right thoughts and listening to the right information that will nourish you and change your mindset. No one can be better than the information they feed on. So what do you think about? We should think on things that are honourable and worthy of respect, whatever is right, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute. We have to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and align our mindsets to work for us.

I dashed into my local supermarket to pick up a few items. As I juggled my handbag, two shopping bags, car keys and my cup of coffee, I dropped my keys. An older gentleman bent down to help me get them even as I tried to do so myself. We chatted for a bit and he commented that I was a very happy person and I responded that life was too short not to choose happiness. He replied, “especially when you get to my age”. He must be in his seventies. Again I smiled and responded that it was the case even at my much younger age. As the encounter came back to me later in the day, it got me thinking. What if we lived our lives as though life was really short? After all there is no doubt that it is. What if we didn’t wait until we are retired or in our seventies to choose to be happy? What if we lived each day as though it could be our last? What would we do differently if we knew our last day is at hand? Would you be more fearless and go for the life that you really want? Or perhaps you will start that business or philanthropic venture because you can’t bear leaving it undone. Would you make that call to repair a breach, resolve an ongoing conflict or tell someone you love them? Would you make amends with your neighbours, family, friends or colleagues? How about dancing like you’ve always wanted to or singing karaoke even though it scares you half to death? You’re going to die anyway so the question is will you do those scary things or would the fear of doing them continue to hold you back? If you knew time was short, would you reconsider the choices you’re making right now? It could be career versus having a work-life balance, or spending quality time with the family instead of being a social media or reality TV junkie. Maybe you need to be more present in all your interactions with others. Take a moment to consider how short life really is. Even if you live until you’re a hundred years, the years soon disappear. Children grow up, teenagers pass that awkward phase, students graduate and leave home and it all happens in what appears to be a flash. Youthful strength and exuberance give way to maturity and then old age. One day the things you postponed may become impossible to do or you could run out of time. So rather than putting life on hold, do what scares you, do what inspires you to greatness, change a life today, change your own life, make that tough choice or reach out to that person. Soon enough the things that scared you will lose their hold, the pride that’s keeping you bound will become pointless and the competition at any cost will become meaningless. Living life as though it were short is a key to happiness, prosperity and success. It helps you to do away with procrastination. Don’t wait to be happy, be happy now. Don’t wait to celebrate life, do so now. Don’t wait to tell someone you’ve forgiven them, forgive them now. Don’t wait to say sorry, say it now and say it anyway even if you don’t think it’s fair.