The Purposeful Life Project

What do you need to say thank you for? It has been a wet week but for once I was grateful for the rain in the middle of the British summer. The gardens were crying out for a relief from weeks of intense sunshine. So was I. As I pondered about saying thank you for the rain, I thought about people we need to say thank you to and things we need to say thank you for. For the most part, when we consider saying thanks, we think of good things. But I want to spin this on its head and challenge us to think about the ‘Not so great’ things that we can still be thankful for. We take the power away from situations when we look for the lessons they teach and the opportunities they give us to discover we are stronger than we thought. When we are in the thick of a situation, it’s difficult to find the good in it but if we look hard enough we will always find some good. As I pondered about the experiences that I am thankful for, a few stories came to mind. Thankful for being cheated, bullied and feeling powerless img_6850I remembered the first time I felt cheated and bullied. I was in primary school and a teacher wanted me to name the noise makers. I told her I didn’t know who they were and she accused me of protecting them and decided to send me out to sit in the hot sun. I felt powerless. Later she found out the school inspectors were visiting the school and asked me to come inside the class. I refused and told her that if she was right in punishing me, then she had nothing to fear. I took my power back. I was proud that I stood up for myself and this experience prepared me to deal with bullies later in life. I am thankful for learning I had a right to fair treatment. Today, I remind myself that if I could speak out against injustice as a child, I have no reason to stop now. Thankful for when the money wasn’t enough I am thankful that my parents couldn’t afford everything I wanted and I didn’t have everything I desired. I knew what I wanted but I understood what my parents had to offer. This led me to look for a part-time job as a student. I worked as a trainer with a Consulting firm which massively boosted my confidence as I found myself training people old enough to be my parents. I was scared the first time I walked into a training room full of strangers who looked at me wondering if I was in the right room. I am so grateful that I took a job for the money but got so much more in return. The job is still paying me forward today as I get opportunities to speak at events. Thankful for being told ‘No’ There were many times in my career that I was told ‘No’. ‘No’ on the back of job interviews, ‘No’ to getting an opportunity to develop a new skill and sometimes ‘No’ to being chosen to be part of what I considered to be interesting work. Every ‘No’ drove me to work harder and do self-assessments on what I could have done differently. On the back of these, I was able to take the necessary actions. I went for qualifications years before I needed them. I prepared better for interviews and I worked hard on any opportunities that I was given. Soon I became the person people wanted to work with and leaders were proud to have on their teams. Some missed opportunities turned out not to be so great. Was I disappointed when I got the ‘No’?. You bet. Did I give in to despair? Yes, for a bit but then I dusted myself off and learnt from each experience. Today, I am confident in my ability to do great work.

Driving back from an afternoon tea party, I saw a road sign that said ‘surface dressing for one day only’. For some reason, it struck a chord. The road into my town is getting ready for surface dressing. How about that? It got me thinking about the word ‘dressing’ and the importance of dressing the surfaces that we have. When we hear ‘dressing the surface’, I am sure most of us will think about clothes and shoes that are visible to the naked eye. As I thought about 'dressing the surface', I began to consider other things we can dress like our bodies, minds, our spirits and souls. So here are my thoughts on what and how we can dress. [caption id="attachment_870" align="alignleft" width="275"] Photo by pexels.com[/caption] Dress your mind with the right information You might ask, ‘how do you dress the mind?’. You can dress your mind with the right kind of information, knowledge and insight. We are in an age where there are so many tools to help dress our minds, including phone apps, books, podcasts, TED talks and a whole host of YouTube videos. There is information on any topic you want to learn. Now, it’s easy to adorn your mind in the right ways which could translate to improved decisions creating better results. [caption id="attachment_871" align="alignright" width="330"] Photo by Pexels.com[/caption] Dress your mind with the right thoughts Many years ago, I let my preference for introversion dictate what I did and I stayed in a mindset that told me I couldn't do any public speaking. This was until someone gave me an opportunity to speak without the option to say no. I had to learn to think differently about my personal preferences especially when I saw the response from the audience. Today, I speak to audiences of any size without giving a thought to my preference for introversion. The book, 'Quiet' by Susan Cain was really useful in helping me to celebrate and leverage my introversion. You can adorn your mind by thinking the right thoughts and listening to the right information that will nourish you and change your mindset. No one can be better than the information they feed on. So what do you think about? We should think on things that are honourable and worthy of respect, whatever is right, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute. We have to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and align our mindsets to work for us.

I dashed into my local supermarket to pick up a few items. As I juggled my handbag, two shopping bags, car keys and my cup of coffee, I dropped my keys. An older gentleman bent down to help me get them even as I tried to do so myself. We chatted for a bit and he commented that I was a very happy person and I responded that life was too short not to choose happiness. He replied, “especially when you get to my age”. He must be in his seventies. Again I smiled and responded that it was the case even at my much younger age. As the encounter came back to me later in the day, it got me thinking. What if we lived our lives as though life was really short? After all there is no doubt that it is. What if we didn’t wait until we are retired or in our seventies to choose to be happy? What if we lived each day as though it could be our last? What would we do differently if we knew our last day is at hand? Would you be more fearless and go for the life that you really want? Or perhaps you will start that business or philanthropic venture because you can’t bear leaving it undone. Would you make that call to repair a breach, resolve an ongoing conflict or tell someone you love them? Would you make amends with your neighbours, family, friends or colleagues? How about dancing like you’ve always wanted to or singing karaoke even though it scares you half to death? You’re going to die anyway so the question is will you do those scary things or would the fear of doing them continue to hold you back? If you knew time was short, would you reconsider the choices you’re making right now? It could be career versus having a work-life balance, or spending quality time with the family instead of being a social media or reality TV junkie. Maybe you need to be more present in all your interactions with others. Take a moment to consider how short life really is. Even if you live until you’re a hundred years, the years soon disappear. Children grow up, teenagers pass that awkward phase, students graduate and leave home and it all happens in what appears to be a flash. Youthful strength and exuberance give way to maturity and then old age. One day the things you postponed may become impossible to do or you could run out of time. So rather than putting life on hold, do what scares you, do what inspires you to greatness, change a life today, change your own life, make that tough choice or reach out to that person. Soon enough the things that scared you will lose their hold, the pride that’s keeping you bound will become pointless and the competition at any cost will become meaningless. Living life as though it were short is a key to happiness, prosperity and success. It helps you to do away with procrastination. Don’t wait to be happy, be happy now. Don’t wait to celebrate life, do so now. Don’t wait to tell someone you’ve forgiven them, forgive them now. Don’t wait to say sorry, say it now and say it anyway even if you don’t think it’s fair.

Everyday, life presents us with momentous opportunities but it’s up to us to recognise and take advantage of them. This week’s post is inspired by a lady I met on a recent trip to New York – Monica. We were shopping at Macy’s and after a while we decided to find somewhere to have a rest. My husband and I found a free space and sat next to the most unassuming lady and greeted her. We hit it off and she was instantly taken with us and particularly with me. Within moments, I found out she had lived in London for nine years and loved it. She lived with a friend from the Philippines and she was quite complimentary about her. Due to this friendship, she visited the Philippines seven times and ended up supporting the local causes that her friend supported. In her own way, through a simple connection with a ‘class act’ friend, Monica impacted a world outside of hers. She said she was a good judge of character and was certain I was also a ‘class act’. She wished I lived in New York as she would have loved to take me places and be my friend. I found Monica engaging, refreshing, appreciative, kind and just an ‘all rounder good’ human being. I don’t use the word ‘good’ lightly. Her honesty was refreshing. I learnt about how adventurous she was and how much she celebrated life by the kinds of things she did, the music she listened to, the friends she had, the places she visited and how she spent her spare time. I told Monica about one of our boys who was a chorister. She lit up and told us some ‘choir’ jokes. I learnt there is ‘no democracy’ when you are part of a choir. You simply do as you are told by the conductor. It was a lesson about team working, leadership, vision and working towards a common goal. I found out she used to work at Harrods in London and then JP Morgan in New York. Monica was proud of her accomplishments which told me a lot about her. When our boys came round, she connected with them. The icing on the cake was when she told my boys they had exceptional people as parents. It took a stranger to remind them they are blessed and fortunate. In a few moments, she was able to show them parenting was on sliding scale of good to bad. She experienced some bad with some good. She got our boys to see they were on the positive end of that spectrum.

I started my day by revisiting a habit that I had neglected – journaling. I have written in my journal on and off for some time. Recently I picked up my journal and realised it had been a few months since my last entry. What happened? I had been busy and so, I stopped doing something that I found very useful. I need to change this. Recently, I heard that it takes over sixty days to form a new habit which contradicts previous claims of twenty-one days. This has got me thinking about habits that I need to re-introduce if I’m to achieve my goal of being a more purposeful me. The first habit I want to take up again is focussing my journal on gratitude. Life often comes with challenges. If we are not careful, we end up only seeing the challenges and soon lose sight of the blessings. Having a daily habit that focuses on the right things and the blessings of life will give us some perspective and help us to be more appreciative. My plan this morning was to write ten things I was grateful for but the more I wrote, the more I had to write. Three pages on, I went over my notes and counted thirty-two things I was grateful for. As I finished my journal entry, I added a couple more things I was grateful for. These were thirty-four things I had not thought about as I was preoccupied with a recent break in at my house. I thought of the invasion of my privacy, the destruction of the door and the unexpected money that we needed to spend doing the repairs. As I meditated on gratitude today, I was grateful that nothing was taken, no one was hurt or traumatised and we are able to make the necessary changes. By focusing on what I was grateful for, I soon realised the blessings far outweigh the recent upsets. On my journey to becoming a more purposeful me, I am bound to encounter some challenges and setbacks and there’s a risk of me losing sight of the bigger picture. To keep me focused, I have decided to form a new habit of gratitude 'journal-ling'. My plan is to start each day with twenty minutes of journalling focused purely on what I’m grateful for. I’m committing to this for the next seventy days and by the end of this, I’m expecting this to become second nature. I don’t know where you are in life, the current challenges you’re facing or the goals that you have. What I do know is that having an attitude of gratitude will help you to positively and better navigate life. Instead of complaining about your job, children, boss or neighbour be grateful. Be grateful that you’re not alone, for food on your table and that you can get to work without any help. Be grateful for getting to work late because of an accident; remember someone was in that accident and lives might have been lost.

I was at a friend’s 50th birthday party last night and ran into other friends. For many years, we were part of a faith-based organisation, met once a month and spent one weekend together every year. Our children were all different ages. One of my friends shared her vision about getting the children to become friends with the older ones mentoring the younger ones. We created a buddy system, encouraging them to build and leverage these relationships. This vision turned ‘social experiment’ was about 10 to 15 years ago. Fast forward 15 years, these 'children' are now in or have finished from top universities with excellent career prospects. As we all know children sometimes listen to their peers more than they do parents. To the delight of the parents these children have helped each other aspire for better results and make some right education and career choices. The relationship these young people have built over many years has evolved to one of spurring, challenging, coaching, mentoring and encouraging each other. Our social experiment has produced excellent results and got me thinking of the lessons I’ve learnt from watching them fulfil our vision. Here are my thoughts: Have a vision and share it with those who need to be involved A few of the parents shared their vision on how our children could help each other through a mentoring and support programme. They told a compelling story and other parents bought into it. What is your vision and who do you need to engage? Create an enabling environment As parents who all lived miles apart, we knew the only way our children could develop the relationship was for us to make room for them. Every month, we released them to be with each other and many times, we waited for them even when we were in a hurry. We needed to turn our verbal support into action to help make it happen. How are you creating an enabling environment for your vision to become a reality?