A letter to a ‘future me’
Recently an old classmate decided to compile the names of those we attended school with. He enlisted the help of five others and when I looked at the list my name and a few others were missing. Shocking! Isn’t it? Perhaps not.
Someone sent me a message and said, “you have really changed”. I probed what they meant. Their response was, “from introvert to extrovert”.
The person then said, “ask anybody to mention ladies in our school year now and you would be among the first three…..”
I had very few close friends back then, I wasn’t miss popular or sporty and the only times I spoke up was against a few bullies.
In the same week, I heard of two young people who committed suicide and there was a teenager who shot two classmates. Tragic! isn't it?
This prompted me to think of what I would say to myself if I had written a letter to my future self from key moments in my past.
What would I say, if I knew the pimply face would someday be less so and that I would leave the bullies behind outlasting them in endurance, capacity, capability and outperforming them?
What about that boy who did not notice me, who I now wouldn’t be caught dead with? I can’t recall any but you get the gist.
What about those girls who seemed to hit their peak when I was still looking tomboy-ish, wondering, ‘how come and why me?’
What would I say, if I knew that relationship break-up would not destroy me?
Or if I knew all my challenges would pass and I would face and overcome even bigger ones becoming more resilient in the process?
What would I say, if I knew there was a world out there waiting for me, a successful career, an amazing family, friends and a host of other successes, blessings and accomplishments?
New beginning or painful ending?
"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings". Lao Tzu
This quote is quite poignant for me. I have a choice to focus on the end of my 16- plus year banking career or I can focus on the fresh start this now gives me.
A fresh start to do an assessment of my life to date, a look ahead to what I want it to look like in 5, 10, 20 years and the legacy I can build that will outlive me. What an incredible gift this is!
Does it always feel like a gift? I wish. Many times, it feels like a pipe dream that could easily go up in smokes. It feels like leaving the ‘job security’ behind and taking on a huge risk. It feels scary, daunting, and challenging.
So, what can I do to make sure I focus on the right things and have the right mindset that helps me to see the positives and the opportunities?
I must take my past learning, experiences and skills and repackage this to work for me in my new beginning.
I need to identify my fears, face and overcome them, making a choice to look forward only and not be distracted or held back by my past. I must focus my gaze on my new beginning and remind myself daily of this quote.
I will find people who can speak into any areas of insecurity that I have and not be afraid to be vulnerable. That’s the only way they will know I need help and for me to get the support that will help me achieve my goals.
A lot of Sou and no ffle
One of my passions is cooking and I like to attempt tricky recipes just for the fun of it. I still remember making my first soufflé over ten years ago and wondering if it would rise or fall. Recently I was watching 'Masterchef - the professionals' and contestants in the skills test were asked to create a soufflé which they all did with varying degrees of success. One of the contestants went through the right steps and appeared to have got his ingredients correctly measured out, yet his soufflé did not rise as expected despite his best efforts. When the judges reviewed his soufflé, Monica Galetti uttered the phrase, "you had a lot of Sou and no ffle". Her comment soon became a rib tickling catchphrase between my sister and I. After three days of laughing at this comment, the penny finally dropped. I realised there was a lesson - about actions not translating to desired results or expectations. I am sure we have all had some 'sou and no ffle' moments. These quickly become defining moments when some life impacting choices come up.
- Do you allow yourself to be defeated, never to make another soufflé or do you get up and make another one even if you’re the only that’s going to eat it?
- Do you allow yourself to be defined by this mistake or failure or do you shake it off, learn from it and move on?
- Do you allow yourself to be haunted by this failure or shortfall adding to others that you have filed in your ‘failure archive’?
So what do I do when I don't get my desired results and when my archives creep back up?
Knock knock! Are you ready?
In my last post, I talked about opportunities knocking on our doors throughout this year. So, the question is, ‘are we going to be ready when they come?’ To answer this, I want to share a story with you and it’s all
Knock Knock. Who’s there?
My nephew came to visit a while back when he was about two years old. Many times he would knock on the door and I would ask, ‘who is there?’ he would reply, ‘it’s me’. Again I would ask, ‘who is me?’ And he would say, ‘it’s David’. I then get up to open the door to his delight. The truth is that I knew it was him before he even knocked. I recognised the sound of his tiny feet and his knock. He was the only child in the house and the only person who knocked if any door was closed. I enjoyed playing these ‘knock knock’ games with him throughout his visit. I am reminded of that game as I ponder what is knocking as we start a new year.
- What opportunities are knocking on our doors?
- Who is knocking on our doors?
- What will be on the other side of the doors when we open them?
- Will you hear and recognise the knocks when they come?
Happy new, limitless and purposeful 2018
It’s New Year’s eve and time for another post. It hasn’t been easy coming up with the right message given the significance of what’s just ahead of us….. a whole new year with 365 days. Everyday is a new gift to
Get where you want to go
I ended my last post by referring to the quote by Henry David Thoreau that says, "Never look back unless you are planning to go that way."
It is easy to say don’t look back but, some people might ask, ‘what does that mean or what practical steps can I take?’
This quote is a timely reminder at a time when I'm leaving my old career behind to pursue new opportunities. There's a risk that I could be tempted to look back at the familiar especially at those times when fear and self-doubt will inevitably crop up.
This happens to the best of us and I must think now of what to do when that happens. I need a plan now as it will be too late to come up with one if fear and self-doubt has already crept in.
So, here are some tips to help you move in the direction you want to go.
Know the ‘What’ and ‘Why’
Write down the vision and your 'why'. This is critical as if you don’t know where you are going, there’s no way to know when you arrive. At the earliest stage, define what you want to achieve and why it is important. This becomes your motivation.
Create a plan of action Have a plan so you know what to do on a daily and weekly basis. This will be useful on days when you’re not in the mood or don’t feel motivated. If you stick with the scheduled actions and discipline yourself to follow through, you will move in the right direction.
Timing…. Why now?
I have asked myself this question on many occasions.
I worked in Banking for over 16 years. While this wasn’t a planned career path, I made the most of the opportunities I had. I got many qualifications, moved through different areas of the bank and worked with many amazing people as well as some challenging ones.
Through it all, I honed my skills and grew both personally and professionally with loads of exciting and truly joyful moments.
On the one hand, I wouldn’t trade any of it but on the other hand, I can't help asking myself. 'What would have been if I had figured out and pursued my purpose and passion all these years?'.
What would I have accomplished if I became organized sooner, facing my fears and tackling the insecurities that have kept me in my comfort zone?
As I asked myself, ‘why now?’, I took the time to think about the past two decades. I thought of the people I have met, my mistakes, the learnings and wisdom gleaned from others.
I realise my life is richer now and I have more to offer to the world. I know that instead of looking back, I've got to press forward, forge ahead and trust that now is a great time to start.
Discovering ‘My Why’
'Purposeful me' Why that name? I hear you ask. I wish I could simply describe it as one of those 'Ah ha' moments that people refer to. Yes, I had some 'ah ha' moments, more than twice actually but in each case, the name that popped into my spirit was already in use. I eventually had to apply some brain power to the task of finding a name that encapsulates what I believe the next phase of my life is to be about. So after hours of careful review of the dictionary and thesaurus, googling web names and scouring social media, I eventually concluded on the name, 'purposeful me'. Now that you know how the name came about, let's talk about 'the why'. On the 11th of November 2017, I was at a seminar and the presenter asked me what I was passionate about and I immediately replied, 'continuous Improvement'. I was thinking about my day job and what I enjoyed about it. Later that night, I began to ponder the same question again and I realised that, yes, I was passionate about Continuous Improvement but felt I had applied it to Businesses and processes for almost two decades. Suddenly I realised my passion was the same but how I wanted to apply it was different. I was now more interested in the continuous improvement of people. This is something I have always done effortlessly, in passing, without much focus and attention. I knew I had more to offer and felt that I had to take the opportunity that was handed to me to go after my passion with more focus and determination. After all, what is the price of a fulfilled life?
Dealing with identity crisis
Following my first post, I want to say a huge thank you for your overwhelming support and encouraging responses. I had my next post all lined up but my reference to identity crisis appears to have struck a chord, so I’ve decided to share some more with you on this. Shame and identity crisis were the last things I expected to feel given all the remaining facets to my life. I’m a wife, mother, public speaker, company director and involved in multiple charities at leadership levels. Quite a resumé, wouldn’t you say? I should have been glad to be taking a plate off my spinners with less requirements for my superwoman juggling acts. Truth is, I was and wasn’t in equal measures. My resumé was a ‘doing’ one and not completely representative of me. I left out the ‘who I am’ and focused on the ‘what I do’. So what was my next move? I acknowledged what I was feeling to myself and balanced out my mental resumé. I gave in to my ‘Dr Pepper’ moment and asked myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ I pictured myself breaking the news. My family and some trusted close friends were the first to hear about it. One or two had questions but they all had faith in me and encouraged me. I began to share it with more people. It was emotionally draining but freeing. Some times, I felt like I was justifying my life and my choices to those who weren’t living it. I was frustrated at some people’s responses but soon realised they were projecting their own fears and mindsets. I had a choice to be defensive or more selective so I chose the latter, recognising when to say, ‘this is my news and not a discussion point’. It got easier and I was less emotional over time. I have a renewed appreciation for those going through any major change. My reminders to those coping with identity crisis after a job loss or change are: