‘Mirror, Mirror, on the wall’ What do you see?
In Disney’s Snow White story, the beautiful and wicked queen would ask the mirror who was the most beautiful and was told that she was. That was until the day that she wasn’t. This changed the course of her life and made Snow White the target of her hatred. There are many lessons for us to learn from this. Sadly many of us desperately seek validation from ‘mirrors’ aka other people. Although this temporarily massages our egos, it can only go so far. People get tired of playing the role of ego massagers or they tell us what we want to hear but we still don’t believe them so it’s of no effect. This week, my question to you is, ‘how do you see yourself?’ What do you see when you look in the mirror? Who do you see? Or are you too afraid to even look? We have to learn to love, value and appreciate who we are. It’s easier to do this with others. We pay people compliments and yet struggle to accept one in return. We encourage others after they make a mistake and refuse to give ourselves a break for our own. One of the commandments in the Bible says, ‘love your neighbour as yourself’. Regardless of your beliefs, we can take a leaf from that instruction. Simply put it means we must learn to love ourselves to truly love others. So back to my question, do you see yourself as worthless, powerless, weak, pitiful, inadequate or unworthy? Or do you see yourself as the result of a master stroke of genius, someone who is made up of parts that are lovingly crafted together? Do you see the potentials that are on the inside of you? Do you realise you’re strong and powerful beyond measure? No one is worthless or inadequate unless they believe the lies that they are. These lies can come from life experiences, bad relationships, wrong mindsets, wrong actions and thought patterns. The important thing to remember is that lies only become your truths when you agree with them. There are many stories when people have done unimaginable feats when faced with situations that demanded an uncommon or super-human response. People single-handedly lifted cars off victims or ran into burning buildings to save loved ones. They surpass their expectations of themselves. So what can we do when we don’t like who’s in the mirror? I’m no expert but there are times I've wished I was more capable, more outgoing or more artistic. I believe we can learn from each other and share tips and thoughts that can help us. So here are my thoughts: Stop seeking external validation Not everyone will tell us what we want to hear or see us as we truly are. When you look for validation from others, there’s a good chance that you will eventually be disappointed. You need to believe in yourself before others can or will. So rather than look for external validation, take time to search yourself, face your doubts and address each of them. Have a lens change Stop defining yourself through the wrong lens of your past circumstances, family history, failures or disappointments. We can learn from everything we’ve been through and not be defined by them. Stop acting from a place of fear Accept or work on your limitations, take actions to close any knowledge gaps, prepare for work and life so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Being Thankful
What do you need to say thank you for? It has been a wet week but for once I was grateful for the rain in the middle of the British summer. The gardens were crying out for a relief from weeks of intense sunshine. So was I. As I pondered about saying thank you for the rain, I thought about people we need to say thank you to and things we need to say thank you for. For the most part, when we consider saying thanks, we think of good things. But I want to spin this on its head and challenge us to think about the ‘Not so great’ things that we can still be thankful for. We take the power away from situations when we look for the lessons they teach and the opportunities they give us to discover we are stronger than we thought. When we are in the thick of a situation, it’s difficult to find the good in it but if we look hard enough we will always find some good. As I pondered about the experiences that I am thankful for, a few stories came to mind. Thankful for being cheated, bullied and feeling powerless I remembered the first time I felt cheated and bullied. I was in primary school and a teacher wanted me to name the noise makers. I told her I didn’t know who they were and she accused me of protecting them and decided to send me out to sit in the hot sun. I felt powerless. Later she found out the school inspectors were visiting the school and asked me to come inside the class. I refused and told her that if she was right in punishing me, then she had nothing to fear. I took my power back. I was proud that I stood up for myself and this experience prepared me to deal with bullies later in life. I am thankful for learning I had a right to fair treatment. Today, I remind myself that if I could speak out against injustice as a child, I have no reason to stop now. Thankful for when the money wasn’t enough I am thankful that my parents couldn’t afford everything I wanted and I didn’t have everything I desired. I knew what I wanted but I understood what my parents had to offer. This led me to look for a part-time job as a student. I worked as a trainer with a Consulting firm which massively boosted my confidence as I found myself training people old enough to be my parents. I was scared the first time I walked into a training room full of strangers who looked at me wondering if I was in the right room. I am so grateful that I took a job for the money but got so much more in return. The job is still paying me forward today as I get opportunities to speak at events. Thankful for being told ‘No’ There were many times in my career that I was told ‘No’. ‘No’ on the back of job interviews, ‘No’ to getting an opportunity to develop a new skill and sometimes ‘No’ to being chosen to be part of what I considered to be interesting work. Every ‘No’ drove me to work harder and do self-assessments on what I could have done differently. On the back of these, I was able to take the necessary actions. I went for qualifications years before I needed them. I prepared better for interviews and I worked hard on any opportunities that I was given. Soon I became the person people wanted to work with and leaders were proud to have on their teams. Some missed opportunities turned out not to be so great. Was I disappointed when I got the ‘No’?. You bet. Did I give in to despair? Yes, for a bit but then I dusted myself off and learnt from each experience. Today, I am confident in my ability to do great work.
Not Today
The phrase, 'Not Today' can literally change our lives and how we respond to circumstances. Read on for more.
Surface dressing
Driving back from an afternoon tea party, I saw a road sign that said ‘surface dressing for one day only’. For some reason, it struck a chord. The road into my town is getting ready for surface dressing. How about that? It got me thinking about the word ‘dressing’ and the importance of dressing the surfaces that we have. When we hear ‘dressing the surface’, I am sure most of us will think about clothes and shoes that are visible to the naked eye. As I thought about 'dressing the surface', I began to consider other things we can dress like our bodies, minds, our spirits and souls. So here are my thoughts on what and how we can dress. [caption id="attachment_870" align="alignleft" width="275"] Photo by pexels.com[/caption] Dress your mind with the right information You might ask, ‘how do you dress the mind?’. You can dress your mind with the right kind of information, knowledge and insight. We are in an age where there are so many tools to help dress our minds, including phone apps, books, podcasts, TED talks and a whole host of YouTube videos. There is information on any topic you want to learn. Now, it’s easy to adorn your mind in the right ways which could translate to improved decisions creating better results. [caption id="attachment_871" align="alignright" width="330"] Photo by Pexels.com[/caption] Dress your mind with the right thoughts Many years ago, I let my preference for introversion dictate what I did and I stayed in a mindset that told me I couldn't do any public speaking. This was until someone gave me an opportunity to speak without the option to say no. I had to learn to think differently about my personal preferences especially when I saw the response from the audience. Today, I speak to audiences of any size without giving a thought to my preference for introversion. The book, 'Quiet' by Susan Cain was really useful in helping me to celebrate and leverage my introversion. You can adorn your mind by thinking the right thoughts and listening to the right information that will nourish you and change your mindset. No one can be better than the information they feed on. So what do you think about? We should think on things that are honourable and worthy of respect, whatever is right, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute. We have to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and align our mindsets to work for us.
Celebrating purpose, ambition and tenacity. Celebrating Christine!
My week has been one of special celebrations, first my son’s graduation followed by a friend’s 50th birthday celebration. This week’s post is inspired by someone who lives and breathes Purpose, Ambition and Tenacity. I have known Bukola Christine Olatunji for almost
Really?…………… It’s not coming home!
The World Cup brought a fair share of drama into our lives for a few weeks. Real life also has its own drama and there are some parallels we can draw from both.
What if ….
I dashed into my local supermarket to pick up a few items. As I juggled my handbag, two shopping bags, car keys and my cup of coffee, I dropped my keys. An older gentleman bent down to help me get them even as I tried to do so myself. We chatted for a bit and he commented that I was a very happy person and I responded that life was too short not to choose happiness. He replied, “especially when you get to my age”. He must be in his seventies. Again I smiled and responded that it was the case even at my much younger age. As the encounter came back to me later in the day, it got me thinking. What if we lived our lives as though life was really short? After all there is no doubt that it is. What if we didn’t wait until we are retired or in our seventies to choose to be happy? What if we lived each day as though it could be our last? What would we do differently if we knew our last day is at hand? Would you be more fearless and go for the life that you really want? Or perhaps you will start that business or philanthropic venture because you can’t bear leaving it undone. Would you make that call to repair a breach, resolve an ongoing conflict or tell someone you love them? Would you make amends with your neighbours, family, friends or colleagues? How about dancing like you’ve always wanted to or singing karaoke even though it scares you half to death? You’re going to die anyway so the question is will you do those scary things or would the fear of doing them continue to hold you back? If you knew time was short, would you reconsider the choices you’re making right now? It could be career versus having a work-life balance, or spending quality time with the family instead of being a social media or reality TV junkie. Maybe you need to be more present in all your interactions with others. Take a moment to consider how short life really is. Even if you live until you’re a hundred years, the years soon disappear. Children grow up, teenagers pass that awkward phase, students graduate and leave home and it all happens in what appears to be a flash. Youthful strength and exuberance give way to maturity and then old age. One day the things you postponed may become impossible to do or you could run out of time. So rather than putting life on hold, do what scares you, do what inspires you to greatness, change a life today, change your own life, make that tough choice or reach out to that person. Soon enough the things that scared you will lose their hold, the pride that’s keeping you bound will become pointless and the competition at any cost will become meaningless. Living life as though it were short is a key to happiness, prosperity and success. It helps you to do away with procrastination. Don’t wait to be happy, be happy now. Don’t wait to celebrate life, do so now. Don’t wait to tell someone you’ve forgiven them, forgive them now. Don’t wait to say sorry, say it now and say it anyway even if you don’t think it’s fair.
Monica at Macy’s
Everyday, life presents us with momentous opportunities but it’s up to us to recognise and take advantage of them. This week’s post is inspired by a lady I met on a recent trip to New York – Monica. We were shopping at Macy’s and after a while we decided to find somewhere to have a rest. My husband and I found a free space and sat next to the most unassuming lady and greeted her. We hit it off and she was instantly taken with us and particularly with me. Within moments, I found out she had lived in London for nine years and loved it. She lived with a friend from the Philippines and she was quite complimentary about her. Due to this friendship, she visited the Philippines seven times and ended up supporting the local causes that her friend supported. In her own way, through a simple connection with a ‘class act’ friend, Monica impacted a world outside of hers. She said she was a good judge of character and was certain I was also a ‘class act’. She wished I lived in New York as she would have loved to take me places and be my friend. I found Monica engaging, refreshing, appreciative, kind and just an ‘all rounder good’ human being. I don’t use the word ‘good’ lightly. Her honesty was refreshing. I learnt about how adventurous she was and how much she celebrated life by the kinds of things she did, the music she listened to, the friends she had, the places she visited and how she spent her spare time. I told Monica about one of our boys who was a chorister. She lit up and told us some ‘choir’ jokes. I learnt there is ‘no democracy’ when you are part of a choir. You simply do as you are told by the conductor. It was a lesson about team working, leadership, vision and working towards a common goal. I found out she used to work at Harrods in London and then JP Morgan in New York. Monica was proud of her accomplishments which told me a lot about her. When our boys came round, she connected with them. The icing on the cake was when she told my boys they had exceptional people as parents. It took a stranger to remind them they are blessed and fortunate. In a few moments, she was able to show them parenting was on sliding scale of good to bad. She experienced some bad with some good. She got our boys to see they were on the positive end of that spectrum.
A legacy that matters
In the past couple of weeks, I have attended events including a friend’s 50th birthday celebration, silver wedding anniversary and a 70th birthday party. I am also saddened by recent deaths of beloved friends’ parents. Some deaths were a total shock