‘Mirror, Mirror, on the wall’ What do you see?
In Disney’s Snow White story, the beautiful and wicked queen would ask the mirror who was the most beautiful and was told that she was. That was until the day that she wasn’t. This changed the course of her life and made Snow White the target of her hatred.
There are many lessons for us to learn from this. Sadly many of us desperately seek validation from ‘mirrors’ aka other people. Although this temporarily massages our egos, it can only go so far. People get tired of playing the role of ego massagers or they tell us what we want to hear but we still don’t believe them so it’s of no effect.
This week, my question to you is, ‘how do you see yourself?’ What do you see when you look in the mirror? Who do you see? Or are you too afraid to even look? 
We have to learn to love, value and appreciate who we are. It’s easier to do this with others. We pay people compliments and yet struggle to accept one in return. We encourage others after they make a mistake and refuse to give ourselves a break for our own.
One of the commandments in the Bible says, ‘love your neighbour as yourself’. Regardless of your beliefs, we can take a leaf from that instruction. Simply put it means we must learn to love ourselves to truly love others.
So back to my question, do you see yourself as worthless, powerless, weak, pitiful, inadequate or unworthy?
Or do you see yourself as the result of a master stroke of genius, someone who is made up of parts that are lovingly crafted together? Do you see the potentials that are on the inside of you? Do you realise you’re strong and powerful beyond measure?
No one is worthless or inadequate unless they believe the lies that they are. These lies can come from life experiences, bad relationships, wrong mindsets, wrong actions and thought patterns.
The important thing to remember is that lies only become your truths when you agree with them.
There are many stories when people have done unimaginable feats when faced with situations that demanded an uncommon or super-human response.
People single-handedly lifted cars off victims or ran into burning buildings to save loved ones. They surpass their expectations of themselves.
So what can we do when we don’t like who’s in the mirror?
I’m no expert but there are times I've wished I was more capable, more outgoing or more artistic. I believe we can learn from each other and share tips and thoughts that can help us. So here are my thoughts:
Stop seeking external validation
Not everyone will tell us what we want to hear or see us as we truly are. When you look for validation from others, there’s a good chance that you will eventually be disappointed. You need to believe in yourself before others can or will. So rather than look for external validation, take time to search yourself, face your doubts and address each of them.
Have a lens change
Stop defining yourself through the wrong lens of your past circumstances, family history, failures or disappointments. We can learn from everything we’ve been through and not be defined by them.
Stop acting from a place of fear
Accept or work on your limitations, take actions to close any knowledge gaps, prepare for work and life so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Celebrating purpose, ambition and tenacity. Celebrating Christine!
My week has been one of special celebrations, first my son’s graduation followed by a friend’s 50th birthday celebration. This week’s post is inspired by someone who lives and breathes Purpose, Ambition and Tenacity. I have known Bukola Christine Olatunji for almost
Really?…………… It’s not coming home!
The World Cup brought a fair share of drama into our lives for a few weeks. Real life also has its own drama and there are some parallels we can draw from both.
What if ….
I dashed into my local supermarket to pick up a few items. As I juggled my handbag, two shopping bags, car keys and my cup of coffee, I dropped my keys.
An older gentleman bent down to help me get them even as I tried to do so myself. We chatted for a bit and he commented that I was a very happy person and I responded that life was too short not to choose happiness.
He replied, “especially when you get to my age”. He must be in his seventies. Again I smiled and responded that it was the case even at my much younger age.
As the encounter came back to me later in the day, it got me thinking. What if we lived our lives as though life was really short? After all there is no doubt that it is.
What if we didn’t wait until we are retired or in our seventies to choose to be happy? What if we lived each day as though it could be our last? 
What would we do differently if we knew our last day is at hand? Would you be more fearless and go for the life that you really want? Or perhaps you will start that business or philanthropic venture because you can’t bear leaving it undone.
Would you make that call to repair a breach, resolve an ongoing conflict or tell someone you love them? Would you make amends with your neighbours, family, friends or colleagues?
How about dancing like you’ve always wanted to or singing karaoke even though it scares you half to death? You’re going to die anyway so the question is will you do those scary things or would the fear of doing them continue to hold you back? 
If you knew time was short, would you reconsider the choices you’re making right now?
It could be career versus having a work-life balance, or spending quality time with the family instead of being a social media or reality TV junkie. Maybe you need to be more present in all your interactions with others.
Take a moment to consider how short life really is. Even if you live until you’re a hundred years, the years soon disappear.
Children grow up, teenagers pass that awkward phase, students graduate and leave home and it all happens in what appears to be a flash. Youthful strength and exuberance give way to maturity and then old age.
One day the things you postponed may become impossible to do or you could run out of time.
So rather than putting life on hold, do what scares you, do what inspires you to greatness, change a life today, change your own life, make that tough choice or reach out to that person. 
Soon enough the things that scared you will lose their hold, the pride that’s keeping you bound will become pointless and the competition at any cost will become meaningless.
Living life as though it were short is a key to happiness, prosperity and success. It helps you to do away with procrastination.
Don’t wait to be happy, be happy now. Don’t wait to celebrate life, do so now. Don’t wait to tell someone you’ve forgiven them, forgive them now. Don’t wait to say sorry, say it now and say it anyway even if you don’t think it’s fair.
Monica at Macy’s
Everyday, life presents us with momentous opportunities but it’s up to us to recognise and take advantage of them. This week’s post is inspired by a lady I met on a recent trip to New York – Monica.
We were shopping at Macy’s and after a while we decided to find somewhere to have a rest. My husband and I found a free space and sat next to the most unassuming lady and greeted her.
We hit it off and she was instantly taken with us and particularly with me. Within moments, I found out she had lived in London for nine years and loved it. She lived with a friend from the Philippines and she was quite complimentary about her.
Due to this friendship, she visited the Philippines seven times and ended up supporting the local causes that her friend supported. In her own way, through a simple connection with a ‘class act’ friend, Monica impacted a world outside of hers. 
She said she was a good judge of character and was certain I was also a ‘class act’. She wished I lived in New York as she would have loved to take me places and be my friend.
I found Monica engaging, refreshing, appreciative, kind and just an ‘all rounder good’ human being. I don’t use the word ‘good’ lightly. Her honesty was refreshing.
I learnt about how adventurous she was and how much she celebrated life by the kinds of things she did, the music she listened to, the friends she had, the places she visited and how she spent her spare time.
I told Monica about one of our boys who was a chorister. She lit up and told us some ‘choir’ jokes.
I learnt there is ‘no democracy’ when you are part of a choir. You simply do as you are told by the conductor. It was a lesson about team working, leadership, vision and working towards a common goal.
I found out she used to work at Harrods in London and then JP Morgan in New York. Monica was proud of her accomplishments which told me a lot about her. 
When our boys came round, she connected with them. The icing on the cake was when she told my boys they had exceptional people as parents.
It took a stranger to remind them they are blessed and fortunate.
In a few moments, she was able to show them parenting was on sliding scale of good to bad. She experienced some bad with some good. She got our boys to see they were on the positive end of that spectrum.
A legacy that matters
In the past couple of weeks, I have attended events including a friend’s 50th birthday celebration, silver wedding anniversary and a 70th birthday party. I am also saddened by recent deaths of beloved friends’ parents. Some deaths were a total shock
Vision – making your dream a reality
I was at a friend’s 50th birthday party last night and ran into other friends. For many years, we were part of a faith-based organisation, met once a month and spent one weekend together every year. Our children were all different ages.
One of my friends shared her vision about getting the children to become friends with the older ones mentoring the younger ones. We created a buddy system, encouraging them to build and leverage these relationships.
This vision turned ‘social experiment’ was about 10 to 15 years ago. Fast forward 15 years, these 'children' are now in or have finished from top universities with excellent career prospects.
As we all know children sometimes listen to their peers more than they do parents. To the delight of the parents these children have helped each other aspire for better results and make some right education and career choices.
The relationship these young people have built over many years has evolved to one of spurring, challenging, coaching, mentoring and encouraging each other.
Our social experiment has produced excellent results and got me thinking of the lessons I’ve learnt from watching them fulfil our vision.
Here are my thoughts:
Have a vision and share it with those who need to be involved
A few of the parents shared their vision on how our children could help each other through a mentoring and support programme. They told a compelling story and other parents bought into it.
What is your vision and who do you need to engage?
Create an enabling environment
As parents who all lived miles apart, we knew the only way our children could develop the relationship was for us to make room for them. Every month, we released them to be with each other and many times, we waited for them even when we were in a hurry. We needed to turn our verbal support into action to help make it happen.
How are you creating an enabling environment for your vision to become a reality?
Some very royal lessons
No one does royal weddings like the British and the latest one was not an exception. Millions of people from around the world watched the bride marry her prince to much pomp and pageantry.
It was an opportunity for hope, faith and love to be restored to the hearts of many. For others it was about the celebration, pride in the royal institution, fashion and the cake. Many careers were made over the weekend.
Millions now know the British wedding gown designer and future designs of clothes, cakes and event planning will be shaped by this weekend.
As I write this week’s post, I thought it was only fitting that I share my life and career lessons from the royal wedding weekend. 
Invest in and nurture a dream
Most little girls dream of marrying a prince some day. Others dream of becoming a pilot, doctor, astronaut, nurse, teacher, engineer or a mom. It’s not about the career choice, rather it’s that they have a dream.
Question is, ‘did Meghan’s parent know they were raising a daughter who would become a future duchess in England?’ If they knew that, would they have done any thing different in how they raised her?
Would her acquaintances, co-workers, friends and family members have acted differently if they had caught a glimpse of her future?
What can you do differently today as a parent or carer, a co-worker, friend or family member that will make sure you can be a beautiful part of someone’s dream and future story.
Prepare for your future
Did Meghan know she would be married to her prince some day and how did she prepare for this?
We can learn from her determination to become a successful actress, overcoming the challenges and odds of a tough industry, the grace with which she carried herself and the causes she lent her voice and time to.
She didn’t start to show these qualities after she met her prince. She was already a person that was worth taking another look at, one that would confirm she’s the one.
So how are you preparing for your future? Dreams don’t just become a reality. They take time, effort, determination and you have to keep working at it till your Master, prince or moment comes. 
Wait for your moment to come
While you are waiting for your moment, make sure you don’t give up or check out of the race called life. Keep going, stay busy doing the right things and start building a resume, dossier or legacy that will be ready when your moment comes.
It wasn’t just Meghan and Harry waiting for their moments, many of the invited guests were too. Some guests were there because of their accomplishments or service to others and many were shocked to get an invitation.
What led to their invitation to a royal event had been years in the making. They, like you, might have wondered, ‘who sees me and what I am doing in this little corner?’. Someone sees. Royalty sees you and all you need to do is stay faithful until you are called out for public recognition.