Managing Defeats And Setbacks Of Life
How do you see defeat? Do you treat a single defeat as a final one or not? If past failures and defeats have held you back, there is hope and a way out.
How are you travelling?
As we travel through life, we get to decide how much baggage we carry. So, how are you travelling?
Really?…………… It’s not coming home!
The World Cup brought a fair share of drama into our lives for a few weeks. Real life also has its own drama and there are some parallels we can draw from both.
Location, Location, Location
I watched a video clip of a Google employee talking about Visual Positioning System (VPS) being the next step up from Global Positioning System (GPS).
I’m delighted about that as too many times, I have wondered what direction 10 yards SW is. Having a visual positioning system, that will use my location and identified landmarks to direct me is exciting.
This got me thinking about where we are going in life – career, relationship and business. Where do we need to get to from our current location? Do we have the right infrastructures to help us get there with minimal mistakes along the way?
Are we using a GPS which sometimes doesn’t work or gives unclear direction that requires us to initially go the wrong way just to figure out what the right way is?
Here are some of my thoughts on this
Figure out your starting point and final destination
The two things every gadget needs to direct us are our starting and end locations. For any goals or life journey, we need to map out the road.
If our starting point is unclear, chances are we will waste resources and if our end point is unclear, we will miss our destination. So do an honest assessment of where you are, which might mean facing some denials that you’re currently living in.
Maybe you blame everyone, but you, for your current position, you believe the odds are stacked against you, you don’t have what it takes or perhaps it’s just not your luck. If so, it’s time to bin these thoughts and take a risk on yourself.
Doing nothing produces nothing but taking a risk could result in something.
Determine the best route to get to your destination.
Through my career, I had short, medium and long-term plans to help achieve my goals. I found that when I meticulously followed them, I achieved most of my goals in the set timescales.
How are you going to get to your destination? Do you have a plan and are you committed to it? Every step you take should move you closer to your end goal if you have created the right plan.
A plan is just a bunch of ideas until you follow through. Keep your plans in plain sight so you and others can hold you to account.
Find a mentor
Mentors have made a difference in my personal and professional lives.
Some have stretched and challenged me, giving me the confidence to put myself forward for opportunities sooner that I would have wanted to. This has resulted in fantastic outcomes and proving to myself that I am more capable than I sometimes give myself credit for.
Mentors can help get you to your destination, saving you time and effort as you learn from their expertise and experience. This is similar to Google app giving you directions that improves your chances of getting to your destination quicker.
New beginning or painful ending?
"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings". Lao Tzu
This quote is quite poignant for me. I have a choice to focus on the end of my 16- plus year banking career or I can focus on the fresh start this now gives me.
A fresh start to do an assessment of my life to date, a look ahead to what I want it to look like in 5, 10, 20 years and the legacy I can build that will outlive me. What an incredible gift this is!
Does it always feel like a gift? I wish. Many times, it feels like a pipe dream that could easily go up in smokes. It feels like leaving the ‘job security’ behind and taking on a huge risk. It feels scary, daunting, and challenging.
So, what can I do to make sure I focus on the right things and have the right mindset that helps me to see the positives and the opportunities?
I must take my past learning, experiences and skills and repackage this to work for me in my new beginning.
I need to identify my fears, face and overcome them, making a choice to look forward only and not be distracted or held back by my past. I must focus my gaze on my new beginning and remind myself daily of this quote.
I will find people who can speak into any areas of insecurity that I have and not be afraid to be vulnerable. That’s the only way they will know I need help and for me to get the support that will help me achieve my goals.
Knock Knock. Who’s there?
My nephew came to visit a while back when he was about two years old. Many times he would knock on the door and I would ask, ‘who is there?’ he would reply, ‘it’s me’. Again I would ask, ‘who is me?’ And he would say, ‘it’s David’. I then get up to open the door to his delight. The truth is that I knew it was him before he even knocked. I recognised the sound of his tiny feet and his knock. He was the only child in the house and the only person who knocked if any door was closed. I enjoyed playing these ‘knock knock’ games with him throughout his visit. I am reminded of that game as I ponder what is knocking as we start a new year.
- What opportunities are knocking on our doors?
- Who is knocking on our doors?
- What will be on the other side of the doors when we open them?
- Will you hear and recognise the knocks when they come?
Happy new, limitless and purposeful 2018
It’s New Year’s eve and time for another post. It hasn’t been easy coming up with the right message given the significance of what’s just ahead of us….. a whole new year with 365 days. Everyday is a new gift to
Dealing with identity crisis
Following my first post, I want to say a huge thank you for your overwhelming support and encouraging responses. I had my next post all lined up but my reference to identity crisis appears to have struck a chord, so I’ve decided to share some more with you on this. Shame and identity crisis were the last things I expected to feel given all the remaining facets to my life. I’m a wife, mother, public speaker, company director and involved in multiple charities at leadership levels. Quite a resumé, wouldn’t you say? I should have been glad to be taking a plate off my spinners with less requirements for my superwoman juggling acts. Truth is, I was and wasn’t in equal measures. My resumé was a ‘doing’ one and not completely representative of me. I left out the ‘who I am’ and focused on the ‘what I do’. So what was my next move? I acknowledged what I was feeling to myself and balanced out my mental resumé. I gave in to my ‘Dr Pepper’ moment and asked myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ I pictured myself breaking the news. My family and some trusted close friends were the first to hear about it. One or two had questions but they all had faith in me and encouraged me. I began to share it with more people. It was emotionally draining but freeing. Some times, I felt like I was justifying my life and my choices to those who weren’t living it. I was frustrated at some people’s responses but soon realised they were projecting their own fears and mindsets. I had a choice to be defensive or more selective so I chose the latter, recognising when to say, ‘this is my news and not a discussion point’. It got easier and I was less emotional over time. I have a renewed appreciation for those going through any major change. My reminders to those coping with identity crisis after a job loss or change are:
Welcome to Purposeful me
There are five weeks to the end of 2017 and what a year this has been. My expectations at the start of the year are completely opposite to what it's looking like now. In January, I had a secure job with a great income but come the end of the year, I am ripping off the comfort blanket of a regular income. I've opted to leave my banking career after 16 plus years. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but once I made it, I felt a mixture of emotions ranging from relief, joy and fear to surprisingly shame. I could understand all the other emotions but why would I feel shame? That’s the million-dollar question. I was ashamed of walking away from a well-paying corporate job that I am great at, partly because it didn’t make sense to explain it to family, friends, and colleagues. I didn’t realise how much of my identity was tied to my job until I chose to let it go. Surprisingly I feel like it's a crime not to have a 'great' job with a steady income and this is eye-opening for me.