Stay Positive

A few days ago, I was on the early train to work, sat across a young school boy. For most of the journey he looked like he wasn’t looking forward to the day but he distracted himself by listening to some music on his headphone.

I couldn’t resist the urge to engage him so I asked if he was looking forward to school. He was honest and said not really. We got into light conversation about school with me wanting to put a smile on his face.

All of a sudden, he lit up and told me his birthday was on Monday and we moved on to that topic. He didn’t know how he was going to celebrate it but he still looked forward to it. I told him to tell his mum to bake him a cake and he smiled in response. That was the first smile I saw on his face throughout the 35 minute journey.  I wished him a happy birthday in advance, gave him a small gift and we went our separate ways.

He reminded me of a saying I came across which says, “Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means that even on hard days you know there are better days to come.” Unknown.

The teenager was not looking forward to the day but remembering better days were ahead starting with his birthday a few days later put a smile on his face. We can all do with remembering better days are coming especially in the times that we live in where many are dealing with stress, anxiety, mental health challenges and financial pressures while trying to juggle many balls.

Society will sometimes put pressures on us to feel a certain way or get over our struggles at a pace that they would like or are comfortable with. This is not always easy for people to deal with even though those demanding this also have their best interests at heart.

We must make every effort to stay positive but on days when this is too hard for us to do, the least we owe ourselves is to remember that better days are ahead. This is a choice we can make – a choice to stay positive at best and at worst, a choice to remember the day will give way to another one with every hope and chance that it could and will be better.

Recently in the Nigerian media was the story of a promising young lady who attempted suicide following an argument with her fiancé. It was a sad story because she appeared to have so much going for her. In that moment of focusing on the argument she gave up; perhaps all hope seemed lost to her.

She lost sight of the fact that the argument could be resolved and a broken relationship could be restored. And even if her worst case scenario materialised and she lost the fiancé, she lost sight of the fact that someone more suited to her was definitely still out there. There is no doubt that she is an intelligent lady with the kind of career that many would envy.

This is not saying her life was perfect because no one really has that; rather it is a sobering reminder to never act in the heat of the moment or at the height of our emotions especially those of desperation, sadness, jealousy, impatience, fear, anger or shame as rash actions come from heightened emotions.

We all need people we can call on at such times or need ‘rituals’ that we can perform – it could be taking deep breaths, phoning a friend, journaling, listing all our options before taking a decision, deciding to always sleep on it before responding, not responding in haste, hitting the gym for a cardio session or perhaps a more relaxing swim or Pilates session, watching a feel good movie, cooking a dish or even gardening.

The idea is that we don’t have to carry the weight the world brings as soon as it does. We have every right to say, “not today”. We have a right to stop conversations in their track if there is a high risk of it pushing us over the edge. If the other party does not respect our boundaries, we have a right to walk away from the conversation rather than do or say something regrettable.

There are many people in prison today because of an action that they look back on and know that it could have ended up differently had they paused, walked away or refused to act in the heat of the moment.

Also many car accidents or traffic offences always have moments of irrational behaviours that led to them with consequences that could be financial, traumatic or fatal.

As we start another week, this is a reminder to be your brother or sister’s keeper. It doesn’t take much to do this. It could be as simple as a smile, setting aside our gadgets to engage a fellow commuter, paying attention to a work colleague, actively listening for unspoken words, knowing when to push someone, responding positively and supportively if they tell us it’s not a good time or that they are having a bad day.

Also many hard conversations are best face to face because we can better assess the situation and respond to the effects of our actions on the other party. It is cowardly to hide behind an email or text message when delivering a debilitating message. We can tell people to be positive but better still we can help them to stay positive by doing our bit for them.

Thanks for reading my post. Have a great week.