Celebrating Women and Mothers
March is a month packed with celebrations with International Women’s Day and Mother’s Day in quick succession. March also happens to be my birth month giving me an extra reason to celebrate the month.
Some people argue that the fact that we need a day to celebrate women is a sign that there is a problem with women having an uphill journey in their quest for safety, recognition, equality, respect and acceptance. This is evident in gender pay gaps, challenges with inclusion in the workplace, struggle to return back to work after maternity leave, interrupted careers due to the need to manage work-life and navigating menopause whilst holding down a career.
It doesn’t get any easier for mums with most women still seen as the primary care givers for their children and adult parents and many workplaces unconsciously penalising them for taking time off to look after their loved ones. So I agree that having a day to celebrate women and mothers is not enough but it will do as a start.
Mother’s day evokes many memories for me and they go back to memories of my maternal grandmother who was a businesswoman; although unschooled, she ran her own businesses and travelled the length and breadth of the country. She fluently spoke five languages which allowed her to transact businesses with traders from all parts of Nigeria.
She was strong and successfully raised all her children and then some; I felt she part-raised me as well as I spent many holidays with her and as she got older, she moved in with us and shared my room with me becoming my confidant and friend in the process.
She was the first person I saw have a relationship with God and pray everyday for everyone in the world describing them by attributes such as school children, babies, wives, fathers, husbands, workers, travellers, school children and on and on she would go every morning and night. She was so diligent that in time, I knew her prayers by heart as they started and ended in the same manner and I loved to listen to her before falling asleep.
My mum took after her mum by being just as industrious and hardworking not showing the effects of the curveballs that life threw her way. From her I learnt how to multitask, have multiple streams of income, work out how to balance work and life. I learnt how to cook nutritious meals for my family regardless of my work and travel patterns. I learnt how to be a mother by watching my mum take care of us and especially my younger siblings.
One of the many phrases that I learnt from my mum growing up was ‘eyin ni oro’ which translates to words are eggs. Once a raw egg is dropped, the shells shatter into pieces and the yolk and albumen splashes with no way to restore that egg. It can never be whole again. She taught me the power of spoken words and never to misuse them as once spoken, they can be apologised for but they can never be forgotten.
Over the years I have been accused of ‘giving the silent treatment’ and whilst not ideal, I would choose that accusation any day over lashing out of anger and speaking words that would destroy and shatter another person’s heart, words they would remember for the rest of their life, words that, like a shattered egg, cannot be unspoken once spoken.
I have aunties that I remember on International Women’s Day and Mother’s Day, people who have survived life against all odds, some have been through heartbreaks and rose up to overcome them with hard work and dignity, teaching me the power of forgiveness in the process.
When I moved to the West Indies as a young woman who was a few months pregnant, it was other women who became my friends, some were mother figures and others were grandmothers to me and my children. I didn’t enjoy the luxury of my mum visiting me when I had my children so these women from nurses, neighbours to friends stepped in to teach and guide me.
There was a hurricane shortly after I had my son and having never experienced one, they helped me navigate the challenges of living in an all electric house with the power down for a week. They gave me a portable gas stove, brought me hot water in a flask, hot meals and the list went on. Their kindness to me made a strange place feel less so and in time, it got easier being far away from family
Standing on the shoulders of these awesome women, I have learnt to fly and soar in some cases. I have learnt to navigate challenges and taken on life long lessons that have served me well. Thanks to them, I have done the best that I can to be a mother and I remain in a learning mode praying and striving everyday to be the best mum possible with the objective of helping my children to be and do all they were created and born to do.
As we celebrate women and mothers, I want to dedicate this post to all the women and mothers who have moulded and shaped our lives, those who crossed our paths when we needed them, those who planted trees that became the shade over our heads, those who left a plate of food knowing we would be hungry when we got home and those who ensured we got a seat at the table – professionally or personally.
